I’m not impressed by gaudy displays of wealth, but if you’re going to flaunt, don’t show off your ignorance by wearing a common gem that’s only gained value through marketing and a cartel market. Go out and buy a truly rare and beautiful stone.
I’m wearing my Star + Ving T-shirt to a buffet. When it’s all-you-can-eat, I don’t just show up hungry. I show up starving.
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I’ve been playing the piano since I was six years old. When I finish practicing tonight, in nine minutes, I will have put in a collective three hours mastering this instrument. If you’ve got a bowl full of Asian noodles, I’ve got the Chopsticks.
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I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.
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If you’re going to deviate sexually from what nature intended, I recommend becoming asexual. You save a lot of money and time by not dating, and you’d be amazed what you can accomplish by channeling your testosterone into intellectual pursuits.
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Branson Frontier Adventures has an Ejection Seat. I haven’t tried it, but Mother’s Day is coming up, and it sounds like the perfect gift for every mother-in-law.
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I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.
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With The Bible, when you read you eat, and it’s the food that nourishes your spirit. It’s good for your body to fast, but it’s not healthy to starve your True Self of The Holy Ghost.
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What has wings, but cannot fly, and legs, but cannot walk? A Pekin duck!
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Silver Dollar City has a real money ring to it. Too bad they pay their employees in fake money, and very little of it, while charging each guest enough fiat currency to feed a family of four in Jamaica for a month.
