God gave writers one brain and two #MindMouths, so we could talk to ourselves and not have to bother conversing with anybody else by actually speaking. As you read this, my words go from me to you, half of a dialogue, and that’s one 50% I support 100%.

2018/11/082018/11/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Fog is the Bigfoot of weather, and its blurry nature makes it perfect for a mythical and mystical place like Branson.

2018/11/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy1

People jealous of my dad bod would be even more envious to know that I don’t even train to maintain my slovenly appearance. My slob look is all natural. The only thing I train for is Election Day, my Olympics, where I vote so hard I literally save America. You’re welcome.

2018/11/042018/11/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The world needs more love, and I need more money, which is my my new #startup idea of a floating gondola rowed romantically on fog in The Ozarks is a win-win-win, with the first two wins going to me, and the third one going to you, for the incredibly LOW PRICE of just $19.95.

2018/10/242018/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In a Lake of Clouds, there’s only one thing you can fish for: Dreams. Mostly I catch mine, but sometimes I catch yours, and I must say I am flattered to always see myself as the co-star in your subconscious fantasies.

2018/10/222018/10/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

2018/10/152018/10/15 jarodkintz11 Comment

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On a One to Lamp = Lies & Lying Scale, NASA is most definitely moth.

2018/10/112018/10/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I get married, I think I am going to invite the trees of The Ozarks to my wedding, because it will be wonderful on my Day of Love to be surrounded by so many of my dancing students.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy1

Some people sleep with a gun under their pillow, and that is offensive. In an effort to ban all Objects Of Violence, I propose banning pillows, because they are the root cause of millions of fights, and without them, we’d have a more peaceful society. I hope you groggily agree.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy

God gave writers one brain and two #MindMouths, so we could talk to ourselves and not have to bother conversing with anybody else by actually speaking. As you read this, my words go from me to you, half of a dialogue, and that’s one 50% I support 100%.

Like this:

Fog is the Bigfoot of weather, and its blurry nature makes it perfect for a mythical and mystical place like Branson.

Like this:

People jealous of my dad bod would be even more envious to know that I don’t even train to maintain my slovenly appearance. My slob look is all natural. The only thing I train for is Election Day, my Olympics, where I vote so hard I literally save America. You’re welcome.

Like this:

The world needs more love, and I need more money, which is my my new #startup idea of a floating gondola rowed romantically on fog in The Ozarks is a win-win-win, with the first two wins going to me, and the third one going to you, for the incredibly LOW PRICE of just $19.95.

Like this:

In a Lake of Clouds, there’s only one thing you can fish for: Dreams. Mostly I catch mine, but sometimes I catch yours, and I must say I am flattered to always see myself as the co-star in your subconscious fantasies.

Like this:

I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

Like this:

On a One to Lamp = Lies & Lying Scale, NASA is most definitely moth.

Like this:

When I get married, I think I am going to invite the trees of The Ozarks to my wedding, because it will be wonderful on my Day of Love to be surrounded by so many of my dancing students.

Like this:

My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

Like this:

Some people sleep with a gun under their pillow, and that is offensive. In an effort to ban all Objects Of Violence, I propose banning pillows, because they are the root cause of millions of fights, and without them, we’d have a more peaceful society. I hope you groggily agree.

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