People from Kansas drive as slow as corn grows. They think just as quickly, too, and I recommend a conversation with a tourist from there as a natural sleep remedy.
I am The Mozart of Sportsball. If you think that’s cool, just imagine who I’d be if I actually played.
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What produces power? Is it money or influence? What if the ultimate power in this dimension is just you working the land and farming?
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Did you know that music is the only food you eat through your ears? I am the Mozart of the buffet world.
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People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.
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In middle school I fought a fat bully, and his punches felt like he had pillows for fists. Too bad he hit like a nap, because I was the one that put him to sleep.
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I had the hardest time trying to change a light bulb, so my boss called me Thomas Edison. It only took me 10,000 failed attempts to figure it out, but I’d say that was eight paid hours well spent.
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One time I got beat up by a post-duck. That pillow hit hard.
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Why aren’t my shows SOLD OUT? What octogenarian wouldn’t want to hear the songs of his youth?
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Did you know you have to have a fishing license to go fishing? You do, but I don’t, because my freedom comes to me through God, and not The State.
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