It’s quite likely that I just wrote the BEST book full of duck quotes in existence. It’s also true that it’s probably the ONLY book of duck quotes, but so what? I’m still number ONE, and in my book, that’s worthy of a gold medal.

2021/01/022021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I have a long-running joke about Roger Bannister. Well, not THAT long. It’s exactly a mile, but the joke is under four minutes.

2020/12/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

No, I’m not calling YOUR book boring. YOUR book is amazing, and I can’t wait to start reading it. Is it available in video format?

2020/12/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I’m a writer, not a reader. I write book reviews, and I have no idea what I’m talking about.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Every BearPaw Duck Farm marketing email I write is an interactive Romance Novel where the reader is the protagonist. The plot is simple: You fall in love and you BUY.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Politics is just professional wrestling for adults. And by adults I mean over 18 years old, and not mentally or emotionally mature. No, the mind of a VOTER is still childish.

2020/10/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Now that nobody has any money or job, maybe people would pay me to print them income. Buy a $100 dollar bill for ONLY $19.95—or Five For Fifty dollars. (Fake, fake, fake money not an acceptable form of payment for fake, fake money.)

2020/04/212020/04/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In my book, love is all there is in this world. If you agree, that book retails for $19.95 and does come with a FREE slice of Leftover Meatloaf, which makes a tasty bookmark.

2019/11/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you vote, you’re not only NOT a moron in my book, but you’re also a hero. I think you’d like my book. It retails for $19.95, but for a warrior like you I’d be willing to let you have it for ONLY $19.95.

2019/11/182019/11/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: writing

It’s quite likely that I just wrote the BEST book full of duck quotes in existence. It’s also true that it’s probably the ONLY book of duck quotes, but so what? I’m still number ONE, and in my book, that’s worthy of a gold medal.

Like this:

I have a long-running joke about Roger Bannister. Well, not THAT long. It’s exactly a mile, but the joke is under four minutes.

Like this:

No, I’m not calling YOUR book boring. YOUR book is amazing, and I can’t wait to start reading it. Is it available in video format?

Like this:

I’m a writer, not a reader. I write book reviews, and I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Like this:

Every BearPaw Duck Farm marketing email I write is an interactive Romance Novel where the reader is the protagonist. The plot is simple: You fall in love and you BUY.

Like this:

Politics is just professional wrestling for adults. And by adults I mean over 18 years old, and not mentally or emotionally mature. No, the mind of a VOTER is still childish.

Like this:

Now that nobody has any money or job, maybe people would pay me to print them income. Buy a $100 dollar bill for ONLY $19.95—or Five For Fifty dollars. (Fake, fake, fake money not an acceptable form of payment for fake, fake money.)

Like this:

The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.

Like this:

In my book, love is all there is in this world. If you agree, that book retails for $19.95 and does come with a FREE slice of Leftover Meatloaf, which makes a tasty bookmark.

Like this:

If you vote, you’re not only NOT a moron in my book, but you’re also a hero. I think you’d like my book. It retails for $19.95, but for a warrior like you I’d be willing to let you have it for ONLY $19.95.

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