I’m writing a history book. It’s about yesterday. It goes ON SALE tomorrow for $19.95, and it includes FREE Leftover Meatloaf from antiquity. Sources tell me it tastes like The French Revolution.

2019/08/282019/08/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once planted a garden of love in my heart, of which the flowers looked like roses mixed with butterflies, and I’m sad my feelings for you evaporated, because I could easily sell bouquets of our romance for $19.95.

2019/07/212019/07/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who am I when I’m asleep? Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.

2019/07/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I just wrote a Romance Novel using only a toothpick and some soot from a chimney in an old Victorian mansion. The Woman fell in love with The Hero when she asked him what he liked on his pizza, and he replied, “Israel did 9/11.” As far as toppings go, nothing tops that.

2019/06/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My advice to novice writers is to just keep writing. I mean look at me, I’ve been writing for over a decade, and I’ve already written four sentences. So, yeah, I’m prolific.

2019/04/212019/04/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

2019/04/152019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Writing would have more vibrancy if instead of ink, pens were filled with coffee.

2019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

2019/04/112019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you ever think you’re funny, just try your material on your cat, and then get back to writing, because you have work to do.

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I write in my sleep, groggily scribbling down dream thoughts, and so if I did sleep 20 hours a day, you couldn’t call me lazy, but with my voluminous work, you could call me L. Ron Hubbard.

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: writer

I’m writing a history book. It’s about yesterday. It goes ON SALE tomorrow for $19.95, and it includes FREE Leftover Meatloaf from antiquity. Sources tell me it tastes like The French Revolution.

Like this:

I once planted a garden of love in my heart, of which the flowers looked like roses mixed with butterflies, and I’m sad my feelings for you evaporated, because I could easily sell bouquets of our romance for $19.95.

Like this:

Who am I when I’m asleep? Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.

Like this:

I just wrote a Romance Novel using only a toothpick and some soot from a chimney in an old Victorian mansion. The Woman fell in love with The Hero when she asked him what he liked on his pizza, and he replied, “Israel did 9/11.” As far as toppings go, nothing tops that.

Like this:

My advice to novice writers is to just keep writing. I mean look at me, I’ve been writing for over a decade, and I’ve already written four sentences. So, yeah, I’m prolific.

Like this:

As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

Like this:

Writing would have more vibrancy if instead of ink, pens were filled with coffee.

Like this:

My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

Like this:

If you ever think you’re funny, just try your material on your cat, and then get back to writing, because you have work to do.

Like this:

I write in my sleep, groggily scribbling down dream thoughts, and so if I did sleep 20 hours a day, you couldn’t call me lazy, but with my voluminous work, you could call me L. Ron Hubbard.

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