Tag: writer
I just wrote a Romance Novel using only a toothpick and some soot from a chimney in an old Victorian mansion. The Woman fell in love with The Hero when she asked him what he liked on his pizza, and he replied, “Israel did 9/11.” As far as toppings go, nothing tops that.
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My advice to novice writers is to just keep writing. I mean look at me, I’ve been writing for over a decade, and I’ve already written four sentences. So, yeah, I’m prolific.
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As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.
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Writing would have more vibrancy if instead of ink, pens were filled with coffee.
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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).
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If you ever think you’re funny, just try your material on your cat, and then get back to writing, because you have work to do.
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I write in my sleep, groggily scribbling down dream thoughts, and so if I did sleep 20 hours a day, you couldn’t call me lazy, but with my voluminous work, you could call me L. Ron Hubbard.
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I’ve written a whole forest’s worth of Love Poetry for you, and not a single tree was chopped down to complete this Library of The Heart.
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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.
