Tag: writer
As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.
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Writing would have more vibrancy if instead of ink, pens were filled with coffee.
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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).
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If you ever think you’re funny, just try your material on your cat, and then get back to writing, because you have work to do.
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I write in my sleep, groggily scribbling down dream thoughts, and so if I did sleep 20 hours a day, you couldn’t call me lazy, but with my voluminous work, you could call me L. Ron Hubbard.
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I’ve written a whole forest’s worth of Love Poetry for you, and not a single tree was chopped down to complete this Library of The Heart.
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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.
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I snuck a peak at the opening line of Jeremy’s Romance Novel, and it reads thus: “Our hero’s name is Jarod, and women want to be with him, men want to be him, and genderfluids want him to drink them.”
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When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.
