A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve little boys here.” Then Mitch McConnell walked in and said, “Guys, follow me. I have a few fresh captures locked in my dungeon.”

2020/10/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

2020/09/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Being the fastest man to run while remaining seated comes with perks. Right now, I have three sponsorship options. Nike, of course, La-Z-Boy, naturally, and the third group that wants to pay me is The National Association of Handicapped Parking Space Painters.

2020/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When you buy a dozen eggs from BearPaw Duck Farm, you get the first egg FREE, and the next eleven, maybe. I would give them to you now, but my Quacking Egg Factories make the eggs FRESH, not made to order.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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“You break it, you buy it.” That retail maxim is what I told my cat. Well, he broke it. But he couldn’t buy it, because not only does he not have any money—he doesn’t even have any fake money (dollars).

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The only thing better than FREE fake money is not having to clean it up when it turns into decorative confetti. Actually, by that point, EVERYTHING is better than fiat currency.

2020/08/212020/08/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make serious memes for serious people. I also make other things, including money, and everything is FOR SALE. Everything MUST GO.

2020/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: weird

A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve little boys here.” Then Mitch McConnell walked in and said, “Guys, follow me. I have a few fresh captures locked in my dungeon.”

Like this:

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

Like this:

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

Like this:

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

Like this:

When you buy a dozen eggs from BearPaw Duck Farm, you get the first egg FREE, and the next eleven, maybe. I would give them to you now, but my Quacking Egg Factories make the eggs FRESH, not made to order.

Like this:

“You break it, you buy it.” That retail maxim is what I told my cat. Well, he broke it. But he couldn’t buy it, because not only does he not have any money—he doesn’t even have any fake money (dollars).

Like this:

The only thing better than FREE fake money is not having to clean it up when it turns into decorative confetti. Actually, by that point, EVERYTHING is better than fiat currency.

Like this:

I make serious memes for serious people. I also make other things, including money, and everything is FOR SALE. Everything MUST GO.

Like this:

I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

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