Have you ever told a joke with a punch line so naughty you have to whisper it? I did that today, only I shouted the ending, because with Forced Social Distancing, by the time my voice traveled and endured over the air to the receiving ear, it may have been nearly inaudible.

2020/04/022020/04/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I had a dream about you last night. What did you mean when you said, “Can I borrow your Tomato Machine? I left my seven in my head.” I thought you left eight! Now my calculations are WAY off!

2020/04/012020/04/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I may dance like two-thirds of the bottom half of a piano, but that doesn’t mean you can buy my Romantic Moves. However, they are FOR RENT at Truck Stop Diner Prices.

2020/03/292020/03/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I saw a rooster on a leash, so I asked the guy walking it if he was offering Meals On A Leash. He denied being an industry disruptor, an innovator, so I snatched the approach to FRESH delivery food and transformed it into a new #startup.

2020/03/262020/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The worst part about this Coronavirus Crisis is that since everything has been canceled, I can’t watch sports. It’s true that as a fan I was Helen Kelleresque, but I was just about to get serious about life, and finally start paying attention to what truly matters in this world.

2020/03/182020/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In 2016 I deftly avoided stepping in the dog shit known as our Presidential Election. But here we are, nearly four years later, and some people are still chewing on that same piece of poop, while others have found a fresh turd to gargle.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sorry folks, Branson is CLOSED for cleaning. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you’ll take a seat on the hard, wooden bench, we should be open again by the year 2030.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Hand fishing in Branson is now FREE! Tickets are ONLY $19.95! And if you buy NOW, I’ll even include a complimentary dictionary.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: weird meme

I had a dream about you last night. What did you mean when you said, “Can I borrow your Tomato Machine? I left my seven in my head.” I thought you left eight! Now my calculations are WAY off!

Like this:

I may dance like two-thirds of the bottom half of a piano, but that doesn’t mean you can buy my Romantic Moves. However, they are FOR RENT at Truck Stop Diner Prices.

Like this:

I saw a rooster on a leash, so I asked the guy walking it if he was offering Meals On A Leash. He denied being an industry disruptor, an innovator, so I snatched the approach to FRESH delivery food and transformed it into a new #startup.

Like this:

The worst part about this Coronavirus Crisis is that since everything has been canceled, I can’t watch sports. It’s true that as a fan I was Helen Kelleresque, but I was just about to get serious about life, and finally start paying attention to what truly matters in this world.

Like this:

In 2016 I deftly avoided stepping in the dog shit known as our Presidential Election. But here we are, nearly four years later, and some people are still chewing on that same piece of poop, while others have found a fresh turd to gargle.

Like this:

For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

Like this:

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

Like this:

Sorry folks, Branson is CLOSED for cleaning. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you’ll take a seat on the hard, wooden bench, we should be open again by the year 2030.

Like this:

Hand fishing in Branson is now FREE! Tickets are ONLY $19.95! And if you buy NOW, I’ll even include a complimentary dictionary.

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