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Tag: umbrella

A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Branson is the kind of town where they’ll try to sell you an umbrella when it’s raining, to keep you dry, and if it’s sunny they’ll also try to sell you an umbrella, to keep you cool. But why buy from them, when my umbrellas are now Buy 11, Get One FREE?

2019/03/272019/03/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Would you ever buy a Rainbow On A Stick? Some people might say it would taste like a gay air lollipop, but I’d say it’d be God’s Promise Flavored. Either way, I’m selling them at Buy One, Get A FREE Umbrella prices.

2018/06/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When it rains, I often think about Noah, and how he had no room for his mother-in-law onboard his ark, and this makes me sad, because she could have slept with the pigs, and he could have gouged her on the rent.

2018/05/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best thing about what the heart pumps out is that for the price of gratitude, you’re able to serve FREE refills on love.

2018/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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