I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete.

2020/12/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

In this consumer society full of paternal neglect, is the Number One Dad FOR SALE? The answer is yes. The title itself is FOR SALE, and the owner of that title, me, is also FOR SALE. Buy six days, get the seventh FREE.

2020/10/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Being a good cuddler is something that can be taught, but being the best is something you’re born with. Or, in my case, it’s something to be bought. The Trophy Store is now having a two-for-one SALE, so I’m also about to be the best 4D chess player in the world, overtaking Trump.

2020/10/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People told me it couldn’t be done, but I didn’t listen, because I had already paid for a trophy to award myself. So when I couldn’t do it, I went and purchased a participation trophy, and then I threw myself a victory celebration.

2020/05/062020/05/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a modest guy. In fact, in the history of the world, there’s never been anybody more modest than me. I am The World’s Most Modest Man. My modesty is so legendary that I’m thinking of buying myself a custom-made trophy to celebrate and memorialize it.

2020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know a thing or thirteen about making soap. But so what? Am I the World’s Greatest Soap Maker? Actually, YES! And I have the trophy to prove it. It only cost me $19.95 from The Trophy Store.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The only thing better than me is you, except for me and you together, which is best of all. And I’m not being hyperbolic about my being third best. I have a trophy to prove it. I bought it from The Trophy Store for $19.95.

2019/08/162019/08/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: trophy

I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete.

Like this:

In this consumer society full of paternal neglect, is the Number One Dad FOR SALE? The answer is yes. The title itself is FOR SALE, and the owner of that title, me, is also FOR SALE. Buy six days, get the seventh FREE.

Like this:

Being a good cuddler is something that can be taught, but being the best is something you’re born with. Or, in my case, it’s something to be bought. The Trophy Store is now having a two-for-one SALE, so I’m also about to be the best 4D chess player in the world, overtaking Trump.

Like this:

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

Like this:

I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

People told me it couldn’t be done, but I didn’t listen, because I had already paid for a trophy to award myself. So when I couldn’t do it, I went and purchased a participation trophy, and then I threw myself a victory celebration.

Like this:

I’m a modest guy. In fact, in the history of the world, there’s never been anybody more modest than me. I am The World’s Most Modest Man. My modesty is so legendary that I’m thinking of buying myself a custom-made trophy to celebrate and memorialize it.

Like this:

I know a thing or thirteen about making soap. But so what? Am I the World’s Greatest Soap Maker? Actually, YES! And I have the trophy to prove it. It only cost me $19.95 from The Trophy Store.

Like this:

I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.

Like this:

The only thing better than me is you, except for me and you together, which is best of all. And I’m not being hyperbolic about my being third best. I have a trophy to prove it. I bought it from The Trophy Store for $19.95.

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