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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: tourism

My heart is shaped like a strawberry, and when it’s full of your lemonade-flavored love it’s probably something that Branson tourists would pay $19.95 to sip on in the hot summer. I’m hoping you’ll supply me with FREE refills.

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was born a salesman, and I was born after the promotional date, so I hope my mom got me for 50% OFF. I do know I was Buy One, Get One FREE, which is odd because I don’t have a twin, and that’s why I’m so extra.

2019/01/212019/01/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A shoplifter in a shopping cart is already in a prison cell of sorts.

2018/12/042018/12/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My last cardiologist said my heart problems are due to the fact that I love too hard, but I disagreed and so I fired him. This has negatively impacted the performance of my Toyota Camry, because my last cardiologist was also my car mechanic.

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you love my service as a Reality Tour Guide, or even if you hate it, would you be kind enough to recommend me to all your friends? Be sure to mention my ever-rising fee, and tell them that’s just one of the many benefits of doing business with me.

2018/11/272018/11/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My meatloaf is cow sushi, in that it’s absolutely raw. It tastes terrible, but it’s made with 100% Pure Love, and that’s why I hope you’ll take home all the leftovers before they get too stinky.

2018/11/272018/11/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The world needs more love, and I need more money, which is my my new #startup idea of a floating gondola rowed romantically on fog in The Ozarks is a win-win-win, with the first two wins going to me, and the third one going to you, for the incredibly LOW PRICE of just $19.95.

2018/10/242018/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Romance is anywhere you find it. Most people must find it tiring, which is why they sleepwalk through life.

2018/07/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • Try The Fish Drink. It tastes like beer and wasted time. Buy a six pack for the price of eight.
  • The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James is the ONLY Branson attraction where you spend money for the chance to make money. It could be the easiest way to swim in cash without waiting for inflation to make you into both a millionaire and a peasant.
  • What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.
  • I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.
  • On a One To Hype Scale, my NEW dance moves are 100% pure Boston Tea Party. That is to say they’re revolutionary! You watch, they’ll soon get digitized into Fortnite.
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