I once had a pet tornado, but Kansas asked me to stop walking it on its lawn. I was so offended that I spilled myself on my lunch and stained by BBQ sauce with my T-shirt. This design has the same fighting twist as my old cuddling companion, and is now FOR SALE.

2021/01/032021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Everything is better when flavored with Love. That’s why my prices are so high!

2020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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At April in The Ozarks, we try to be relatable, like an orphan at a family reunion. You should try the meatloaf. It tastes like 1991.

2020/02/242020/02/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

2019/05/302019/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I’m not making cakes, my hobbies include terrorizing trailer parks and being photographed by storm chasers.

2019/03/042019/03/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is purple, because you are red and I’m always so blue.

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The worst part about selling #TornadoRidingSaddles is there are no repeat customers. Fortunately, there are a lot of people willing to waste their money and their life. My target market consists entirely of people who are pro sports season ticket holders.

2018/09/032018/09/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

2018/07/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I lined up seventeen people, each of whom only had a first name that was monosyllabic, and I arranged what would have been the most romantic haiku, if only one person didn’t feel lonely and without a partner.

2017/12/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: tornado

I once had a pet tornado, but Kansas asked me to stop walking it on its lawn. I was so offended that I spilled myself on my lunch and stained by BBQ sauce with my T-shirt. This design has the same fighting twist as my old cuddling companion, and is now FOR SALE.

Like this:

Everything is better when flavored with Love. That’s why my prices are so high!

Like this:

At April in The Ozarks, we try to be relatable, like an orphan at a family reunion. You should try the meatloaf. It tastes like 1991.

Like this:

Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

Like this:

When I’m not making cakes, my hobbies include terrorizing trailer parks and being photographed by storm chasers.

Like this:

Our love is purple, because you are red and I’m always so blue.

Like this:

The worst part about selling #TornadoRidingSaddles is there are no repeat customers. Fortunately, there are a lot of people willing to waste their money and their life. My target market consists entirely of people who are pro sports season ticket holders.

Like this:

I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

Like this:

I lined up seventeen people, each of whom only had a first name that was monosyllabic, and I arranged what would have been the most romantic haiku, if only one person didn’t feel lonely and without a partner.

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