Of all the ways to travel, through time is the quickest. Or slowest, depending on which direction you go. If you need a map, I’m selling them in Small, Medium, and Large—which comes with FREE refills.
Tag: time travel
Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)
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Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”
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One cool thing about having visited The Future is I already know who wins every Presidential election. In 2020 and 2024 the winner is The Banksters. There is no election in 2028, as WWIII has destroyed everything in this country except one lone tourist in Branson, driving 15 MPH.
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Which is better, Endless Shrimp or Leftover Meatloaf from the1980s? Well, in a blind taste test, Helen Keller chose the meatloaf. She was emphatic about her selection, because in her own words she said, “Azkgaaka grreghquua uaklapha!” That sounds like 100% Pure Love to me.
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Time traveling is hard on the body, and after about 120 years, your Flesh Vessel will just stop working. But who you are as an asshole, that’s eternal, and that will never die, unfortunately.
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Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.
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