Some people can take long naps. I’m one of them. That’s why I’m Nap Champion of The World. In fact, I was asleep for the first 20 years of my life. I credit The Iron Triangle for waking me up.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m Branson, Missouri, fool. I’m an only child. My parents are Orlando, Nashville, and Vegas. I’m also bad at genealogy.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It could also be argued there is no romance if there is no me, and of course it could be argued by me. You wouldn’t argue it, because you’d naturally agree.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now offering financial advice. Will you lose everything you’ve got by listening to me? YES! But you’d lose that anyway with the coming economic collapse, so at least this way I get to make a $19.95 commission fee.

2019/10/242019/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Before you can be where you want to be, you need to be who you want to be. Except if you want to be me, because that’s impossible, unless you want to work my shift tomorrow morning while I sleep in, and then yes, you can totally be me.

2019/10/242019/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about living in The Ozarks is I’m not living anywhere else. This will be especially true when everywhere else gets destroyed, and I’m safe and alone, except for the elites who also saw The CIA map showing Florida getting flooded, along with most of The US.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are one, just like I am one, and yet I am not who I was or who I will be, and if you think I owe you money, then I am definitely not that guy.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I remember signing The Social Contract the instant I was born, before I had even been assigned a name. With FREE roads that we have to pay for and are never repaired, along with other benefits like the largest prison industry in history, it’s quite a bargain.

2019/10/012019/10/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: the ozarks

Some people can take long naps. I’m one of them. That’s why I’m Nap Champion of The World. In fact, I was asleep for the first 20 years of my life. I credit The Iron Triangle for waking me up.

Like this:

I’m Branson, Missouri, fool. I’m an only child. My parents are Orlando, Nashville, and Vegas. I’m also bad at genealogy.

Like this:

It could also be argued there is no romance if there is no me, and of course it could be argued by me. You wouldn’t argue it, because you’d naturally agree.

Like this:

I’m now offering financial advice. Will you lose everything you’ve got by listening to me? YES! But you’d lose that anyway with the coming economic collapse, so at least this way I get to make a $19.95 commission fee.

Like this:

Before you can be where you want to be, you need to be who you want to be. Except if you want to be me, because that’s impossible, unless you want to work my shift tomorrow morning while I sleep in, and then yes, you can totally be me.

Like this:

Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

Like this:

My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

The best part about living in The Ozarks is I’m not living anywhere else. This will be especially true when everywhere else gets destroyed, and I’m safe and alone, except for the elites who also saw The CIA map showing Florida getting flooded, along with most of The US.

Like this:

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are one, just like I am one, and yet I am not who I was or who I will be, and if you think I owe you money, then I am definitely not that guy.

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