I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

What better way to stir things up a bit than with Caeleb Dressel’s winning freestyle form? Drink in what he’s able to do in the pool, because it’s like coffee that never goes cold.

2019/11/082019/11/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I close my eyes I can still hear the piano music, and if I stop my fingers from dancing, then the sound dissipates and disappears. This elevator just won’t be the same without her.

2019/11/062019/11/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once made a large pot of Lightning Soup. It had two ingredients: Chlorinated water and swimmers in the pool during a thunderstorm.

2019/06/012019/06/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James is the ONLY Branson attraction where you spend money for the chance to make money. It could be the easiest way to swim in cash without waiting for inflation to make you into both a millionaire and a peasant.

2019/02/222019/02/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I used to want to be an astronaut, but I gave up hanging around in a pool when I quit competitive swimming. These NASA scuba divers have never trained in the water like I have, and with or without a suit, I’d still beat them in a race.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It’s true, I could have been a pro fisherman—if somebody, anybody wanted to pay me. But nobody does, so instead I dispense my wisdom for FREE.

2018/09/022018/09/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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She has eyes the color of pure spring water in The Ozarks, and by that I mean I’d like to get naked and go swimming in them.

2018/08/052018/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Spectators tell me I dance like a flying fish, and it’s true, I am #TheMichaelPhelpsOfBodyAviation, and right now my dancing lessons are ON SALE at defective parachute prices.

2017/12/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I now sell nonsense in small, small-medium, medium, medium-large, large, and large-small. They all come with FREE refills and the same size of cup.

2017/12/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: swimming

I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.

Like this:

What better way to stir things up a bit than with Caeleb Dressel’s winning freestyle form? Drink in what he’s able to do in the pool, because it’s like coffee that never goes cold.

Like this:

If I close my eyes I can still hear the piano music, and if I stop my fingers from dancing, then the sound dissipates and disappears. This elevator just won’t be the same without her.

Like this:

I once made a large pot of Lightning Soup. It had two ingredients: Chlorinated water and swimmers in the pool during a thunderstorm.

Like this:

The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James is the ONLY Branson attraction where you spend money for the chance to make money. It could be the easiest way to swim in cash without waiting for inflation to make you into both a millionaire and a peasant.

Like this:

I used to want to be an astronaut, but I gave up hanging around in a pool when I quit competitive swimming. These NASA scuba divers have never trained in the water like I have, and with or without a suit, I’d still beat them in a race.

Like this:

It’s true, I could have been a pro fisherman—if somebody, anybody wanted to pay me. But nobody does, so instead I dispense my wisdom for FREE.

Like this:

She has eyes the color of pure spring water in The Ozarks, and by that I mean I’d like to get naked and go swimming in them.

Like this:

Spectators tell me I dance like a flying fish, and it’s true, I am #TheMichaelPhelpsOfBodyAviation, and right now my dancing lessons are ON SALE at defective parachute prices.

Like this:

I now sell nonsense in small, small-medium, medium, medium-large, large, and large-small. They all come with FREE refills and the same size of cup.

Like this:

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