There is a party tomorrow night. You should go. Oh, by the way, you’re not invited. Neither am I. That’s why you should tell me how it is, detailing the whole evening and event in a notebook that I’ll later read and relive while I sip coffee in bed.

2021/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I now offer a vegan menu option for all those eaters whose stomachs are bigger than their brains. Order your meatless duck today and enjoy the wonderful flavor of soy.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I was once swimming, thinking I was racing against Michael Phelps, and was like, “Whoa, buddy! Why are you trying to bite my leg off?!” Then I realized it wasn’t actually Michael Phelps, but was a great white shark, and I was wearing a bathing suit made from used Band-Aids.

2021/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.

2021/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Everybody loves duck-soup-flavored ice cream. 10,000 hours of swimming go into each scoop!

2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Swimming lessons now available at 2020 Olympics ticket prices. Each practice is flavored like a kangaroo chase, and you get FREE refills.

2020/12/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.

2020/12/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

One day soon this new pond will be full of water, have Kelly-green clover growing all around, and have white ducks swimming in it. While you relax and enjoy the scenery, there’s even a special place to hold your beer. It’s called your stomach.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-7

Call TODAY to inquire about TOMORROW. The Future is NOW, and it’s ONLY $19.95 per serving!

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-25

Tag: swimming

There is a party tomorrow night. You should go. Oh, by the way, you’re not invited. Neither am I. That’s why you should tell me how it is, detailing the whole evening and event in a notebook that I’ll later read and relive while I sip coffee in bed.

Like this:

I now offer a vegan menu option for all those eaters whose stomachs are bigger than their brains. Order your meatless duck today and enjoy the wonderful flavor of soy.

Like this:

I was once swimming, thinking I was racing against Michael Phelps, and was like, “Whoa, buddy! Why are you trying to bite my leg off?!” Then I realized it wasn’t actually Michael Phelps, but was a great white shark, and I was wearing a bathing suit made from used Band-Aids.

Like this:

I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.

Like this:

Everybody loves duck-soup-flavored ice cream. 10,000 hours of swimming go into each scoop!

Like this:

Swimming lessons now available at 2020 Olympics ticket prices. Each practice is flavored like a kangaroo chase, and you get FREE refills.

Like this:

People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.

Like this:

People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

Like this:

One day soon this new pond will be full of water, have Kelly-green clover growing all around, and have white ducks swimming in it. While you relax and enjoy the scenery, there’s even a special place to hold your beer. It’s called your stomach.

Like this:

Call TODAY to inquire about TOMORROW. The Future is NOW, and it’s ONLY $19.95 per serving!

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