The worst part about this Coronavirus Crisis is that since everything has been canceled, I can’t watch sports. It’s true that as a fan I was Helen Kelleresque, but I was just about to get serious about life, and finally start paying attention to what truly matters in this world.

2020/03/182020/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I now sell Waterfall Wedding Veils, because what’s more romantic than weddings and waterfalls? Only the LOW price of ONLY $19.95!

2020/03/172020/03/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I gave birth to myself, like some kind of hermaphroditic worm, would I be entitled to FREE food? This is an important issue that NO Presidential candidate has EVER mentioned.

2020/03/132020/03/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

2020/03/122020/03/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)

2020/02/272020/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After trying out hours and hours of original material, I can assure you that cats hate knock-knock jokes. To them, knocking is no joke, because if you’ve got knickknacks on a shelf, they’ll seriously knock them all off.

2020/02/272020/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Today is the one that introduces Yesterday to Tomorrow. If it weren’t for Today, Nostalgia would never meet Hope.

2020/02/272020/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

At April in The Ozarks, we try to be relatable, like an orphan at a family reunion. You should try the meatloaf. It tastes like 1991.

2020/02/242020/02/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: surreal

The worst part about this Coronavirus Crisis is that since everything has been canceled, I can’t watch sports. It’s true that as a fan I was Helen Kelleresque, but I was just about to get serious about life, and finally start paying attention to what truly matters in this world.

Like this:

I now sell Waterfall Wedding Veils, because what’s more romantic than weddings and waterfalls? Only the LOW price of ONLY $19.95!

Like this:

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

Like this:

If I gave birth to myself, like some kind of hermaphroditic worm, would I be entitled to FREE food? This is an important issue that NO Presidential candidate has EVER mentioned.

Like this:

Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

Like this:

Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)

Like this:

After trying out hours and hours of original material, I can assure you that cats hate knock-knock jokes. To them, knocking is no joke, because if you’ve got knickknacks on a shelf, they’ll seriously knock them all off.

Like this:

Today is the one that introduces Yesterday to Tomorrow. If it weren’t for Today, Nostalgia would never meet Hope.

Like this:

At April in The Ozarks, we try to be relatable, like an orphan at a family reunion. You should try the meatloaf. It tastes like 1991.

Like this:

My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

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