If you are wise in your own eyes, then you are Helen Keller. I’ll bet you also think you’re a good listener.

2020/12/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People always say to me, “Jarod, do you wear a cloud for a wig?” The answer is no, my hair is naturally hovering water vapor, and if your farm is in a drought, you can pay me to come stand in your field and water your crops with my stormy mane.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Being the fastest man to run while remaining seated comes with perks. Right now, I have three sponsorship options. Nike, of course, La-Z-Boy, naturally, and the third group that wants to pay me is The National Association of Handicapped Parking Space Painters.

2020/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Music comes in through your ears, invisibly. But it’s tough to sell the invisible, so I devised a way to alchemize music from the purely audible into something you can taste. And for ONLY $19.95 I’m selling the whole dining experience. Visit my kiosk at The Branson Landing.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Buy One Wheel, Get One FREE. You get TWO unicycles for the price of ONE bicycle. And if you act NOW, I’ll even include Frozen Duck Soup On A Stick for FREE.

2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’d recommend waiting an hour after eating and drinking before going swimming—unless you’re combining eating and drinking by enjoying a beer made by BearPaw Duck Farm. FREE refills after 11:59 PM and before midnight.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Duck eggs—the energy drink in a shell. Now available in an assortment of flavors that can be easily digitized and uploaded to The Cloud, to be later enjoyed through your eyes and ears.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Flamingos are pink giraffe ducks. That’s not just a fact—it’s also the promo code for your FREE tour of BearPaw Albino Horseneck Flamingo Farm.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: surreal

If you are wise in your own eyes, then you are Helen Keller. I’ll bet you also think you’re a good listener.

Like this:

People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

Like this:

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

Like this:

Music comes in through your ears, invisibly. But it’s tough to sell the invisible, so I devised a way to alchemize music from the purely audible into something you can taste. And for ONLY $19.95 I’m selling the whole dining experience. Visit my kiosk at The Branson Landing.

Like this:

Buy One Wheel, Get One FREE. You get TWO unicycles for the price of ONE bicycle. And if you act NOW, I’ll even include Frozen Duck Soup On A Stick for FREE.

Like this:

I’d recommend waiting an hour after eating and drinking before going swimming—unless you’re combining eating and drinking by enjoying a beer made by BearPaw Duck Farm. FREE refills after 11:59 PM and before midnight.

Like this:

Duck eggs—the energy drink in a shell. Now available in an assortment of flavors that can be easily digitized and uploaded to The Cloud, to be later enjoyed through your eyes and ears.

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