You cannot buy what’s not for sale. But for a limited time, you can purchase what may or may not exist.
Tag: surreal
When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.
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Is mathematics the language of the universe? 8 333 7260190482 2539321 22 3579512864 413314. But I could be wrong.
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It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.
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When you buy one of my T-shirts, you get a FREE spot of tea. I tried to wash it out, but the spot is now a stain, so if you are thirsty for deals then this is for you.
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I’m somewhat of a bird watcher myself. But I don’t need binoculars to see when other drivers show me what they think of me using only their middle fingers.
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At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we recognize that low prices shit on quality. I’m talking about a nasty dump in a mop bucket kind of way, which is why we stay clean of gimmicky deals.
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I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.
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The difference between a karate chop and a handshake extension is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. The best way to cut through hot duck soup is with a canoe.
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As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”
jarodkintz.com 