I used to sell chairs, until one day a customer told me that they weren’t dancing equipment. Turns out dancing doesn’t involve sitting in silence alone, and I’d been doing it wrong for years.
Tag: surreal
VOTERS think their rights come from The Constitution, but I know that my FREEDOM comes from God. VOTERS worship a piece of paper that’s already been shredded and burned.
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The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.
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Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.
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You cannot buy what’s not for sale. But for a limited time, you can purchase what may or may not exist.
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When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.
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Is mathematics the language of the universe? 8 333 7260190482 2539321 22 3579512864 413314. But I could be wrong.
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It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.
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When you buy one of my T-shirts, you get a FREE spot of tea. I tried to wash it out, but the spot is now a stain, so if you are thirsty for deals then this is for you.
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I’m somewhat of a bird watcher myself. But I don’t need binoculars to see when other drivers show me what they think of me using only their middle fingers.
jarodkintz.com 