Tag: surreal
This #ad is #sponsored by The Piano Movers Association of America, and NOT by Absolut Vodka, because they won’t return my calls or respond to my demands to be paid for services rendered.
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If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.
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My advice to novice writers is to just keep writing. I mean look at me, I’ve been writing for over a decade, and I’ve already written four sentences. So, yeah, I’m prolific.
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The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.
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As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.
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I’m now renting whispers and Purr Factories, and if you purchase with in the next 19 minutes, I’ll even include some of my world-famous Leftover Meatloaf for FREE. That’s the 1999 vintage, and it still has that Y2K flavor.
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Have you ever stepped on a Lego? Well, you know that jerky movement your legs do, with an accompanying torso contortion? I can teach you how to dance like that without the pain stimulus that prompted that stylish motion. And my Dancing Lessons are now in liquid format!
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Are you having trouble staying awake at work? Well, with my customized coaching, you’ll be able to fall asleep at your desk guaranteed! With my help, you’ll be able to fall asleep at any time, including in the middle of my class, though the meter will keep running on your bill.
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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).
