Let me know the next time you go on a tropical vacation, so I can knit you a bikini. If you book now, I’ll even throw in a sloshing coffee table that comes with FREE refills.

2021/03/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

One day soon this new pond will be full of water, have Kelly-green clover growing all around, and have white ducks swimming in it. While you relax and enjoy the scenery, there’s even a special place to hold your beer. It’s called your stomach.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Flamingos are pink giraffe ducks. That’s not just a fact—it’s also the promo code for your FREE tour of BearPaw Albino Horseneck Flamingo Farm.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once met a man in Branson, and I thought to myself, “Who is this guy?” So I went up to him and said, “Is that you, dad?” He laughed and told me he was younger than me, so I said, “So does that make you my grandpa?” Then I tried to sell him some pills that cure dyslexia.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are one, just like I am one, and yet I am not who I was or who I will be, and if you think I owe you money, then I am definitely not that guy.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Of all the months, to me, August is definitely one of them. Thankfully it’s not two of them, because if time had a twin, then so would space, and that kind of double date would be so romantic that the universe would probably implode.

2019/08/222019/08/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I hate the endless wars of Clown World, but I must admit that I like fishing for swimming sunsets. Makes me wish I had Leftover Meatloaf for brains, so I could vote and cheer on my favorite political team (out of two possible choices).

2019/05/212019/05/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love doesn’t belong to me, and our love doesn’t belong to you. Our love belongs to The Future.

2019/04/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once made a muffin, but that was years ago. I suppose it’s about time to discount it and put it ON SALE. I would do a Buy One, Get One FREE, but I only made one. So I suppose I’ll offer it at Buy Half, Get Half FREE! (Limit one half per one whole customer.)

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is timeless, like a broken watch. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for 50% OFF!

2019/02/052019/02/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: sunset

Let me know the next time you go on a tropical vacation, so I can knit you a bikini. If you book now, I’ll even throw in a sloshing coffee table that comes with FREE refills.

Like this:

One day soon this new pond will be full of water, have Kelly-green clover growing all around, and have white ducks swimming in it. While you relax and enjoy the scenery, there’s even a special place to hold your beer. It’s called your stomach.

Like this:

I once met a man in Branson, and I thought to myself, “Who is this guy?” So I went up to him and said, “Is that you, dad?” He laughed and told me he was younger than me, so I said, “So does that make you my grandpa?” Then I tried to sell him some pills that cure dyslexia.

Like this:

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are one, just like I am one, and yet I am not who I was or who I will be, and if you think I owe you money, then I am definitely not that guy.

Like this:

Of all the months, to me, August is definitely one of them. Thankfully it’s not two of them, because if time had a twin, then so would space, and that kind of double date would be so romantic that the universe would probably implode.

Like this:

I hate the endless wars of Clown World, but I must admit that I like fishing for swimming sunsets. Makes me wish I had Leftover Meatloaf for brains, so I could vote and cheer on my favorite political team (out of two possible choices).

Like this:

Our love doesn’t belong to me, and our love doesn’t belong to you. Our love belongs to The Future.

Like this:

I once made a muffin, but that was years ago. I suppose it’s about time to discount it and put it ON SALE. I would do a Buy One, Get One FREE, but I only made one. So I suppose I’ll offer it at Buy Half, Get Half FREE! (Limit one half per one whole customer.)

Like this:

Our love is timeless, like a broken watch. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for 50% OFF!

Like this:

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