I can coach you how to become the next Michael Phelps—but not the Michael Phelps of swimming. No, I’ll teach you how to sleep like a pro. And if you don’t fall asleep during class, I won’t think you’re a good student.

2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I can teach you how to dance, but I can’t teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it’ll cost you an additional $19.95.

2019/01/072019/01/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why are you so weird? Why can’t you just be perfectly normal like me?

2018/11/302018/11/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I should combine my Dancing In A Box with a Music Box, and toss in some FREE shoes, so my potential customers and students have no excuse for not buying. My product is made in a sweatshop, a sauna, unlike Nike, which uses child labor in a sweatshop.

2018/09/082018/09/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy8

I sell Blindfolds, and I sell Dancing Lessons, and you’ll need both if you want to be my student. I hope you do want to be my student, because I’d really like to unload my inventory of Dancing Lessons. They are just sitting in boxes, taking up space in my warehouse.

2018/09/042018/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

2018/07/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy10

College is The Deal Of A Lifetime. That’s because it’ll take you a lifetime to pay back all the debt. Why stress yourself like that when I’m offering you The Deal Of A Half A Lifetime? It’s the same value—absolutely worthless—so you may as well pay a Discount Price.

2018/05/192018/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy14

I’ll be hosting the first ever International Nonsense Conference. It will be held on page 22 of your third-grade math book. You don’t want to miss it!

2018/04/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy21

Well, the marketing campaign for #DancingLessonsInABottle has begun! Now I’m just waiting on my very first sale! And if I can get Dr. @Obambulator to recommend it to all his geriatric patients, I’ll be RICH!

2018/02/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy11

Everything I know about love I learned from my cat. Thankfully he gave me a discount and didn’t make me pay full retail price.

2017/12/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: student

I can coach you how to become the next Michael Phelps—but not the Michael Phelps of swimming. No, I’ll teach you how to sleep like a pro. And if you don’t fall asleep during class, I won’t think you’re a good student.

Like this:

I can teach you how to dance, but I can’t teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it’ll cost you an additional $19.95.

Like this:

Why are you so weird? Why can’t you just be perfectly normal like me?

Like this:

I should combine my Dancing In A Box with a Music Box, and toss in some FREE shoes, so my potential customers and students have no excuse for not buying. My product is made in a sweatshop, a sauna, unlike Nike, which uses child labor in a sweatshop.

Like this:

I sell Blindfolds, and I sell Dancing Lessons, and you’ll need both if you want to be my student. I hope you do want to be my student, because I’d really like to unload my inventory of Dancing Lessons. They are just sitting in boxes, taking up space in my warehouse.

Like this:

I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

Like this:

College is The Deal Of A Lifetime. That’s because it’ll take you a lifetime to pay back all the debt. Why stress yourself like that when I’m offering you The Deal Of A Half A Lifetime? It’s the same value—absolutely worthless—so you may as well pay a Discount Price.

Like this:

I’ll be hosting the first ever International Nonsense Conference. It will be held on page 22 of your third-grade math book. You don’t want to miss it!

Like this:

Well, the marketing campaign for #DancingLessonsInABottle has begun! Now I’m just waiting on my very first sale! And if I can get Dr. @Obambulator to recommend it to all his geriatric patients, I’ll be RICH!

Like this:

Everything I know about love I learned from my cat. Thankfully he gave me a discount and didn’t make me pay full retail price.

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