God gave man feet for which to walk. And crush grapes. Can I get you a glass of wine? It’s homemade, though it kind of smells funky and fungal. But hey, a fun gal made it.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)

2020/02/272020/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know a thing or thirteen about making soap. But so what? Am I the World’s Greatest Soap Maker? Actually, YES! And I have the trophy to prove it. It only cost me $19.95 from The Trophy Store.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You don’t have to have lightning bolts for veins to realize that April in The Ozarks makes you smell powerful. That’s because I took Machiavelli’s complete works and condensed it into a cleansing fragrance.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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And just for Buying One and Getting One FREE, you’ll also get the opportunity to buy a SECOND one for FREE for FULL PRICE. Act NOW before this deal grows fins and flies away.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The only voting I do is with my wallet. When I buy This, I’m voting against That and vice reversa. That’s the only real political power we have.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling a liquid escalator in a bottle for your showering pleasure. It’s an uplifting fragrance.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When making soap, the most important ingredient I include is Time. What you smell now is not what you smelled then, or what you’ll smell later, and those small fluctuations, those tiny discrepancies, are the spaces occupied by nostalgia, as the mind works to fill in the gaps.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: soap

God gave man feet for which to walk. And crush grapes. Can I get you a glass of wine? It’s homemade, though it kind of smells funky and fungal. But hey, a fun gal made it.

Like this:

Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)

Like this:

My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

Like this:

I know a thing or thirteen about making soap. But so what? Am I the World’s Greatest Soap Maker? Actually, YES! And I have the trophy to prove it. It only cost me $19.95 from The Trophy Store.

Like this:

You don’t have to have lightning bolts for veins to realize that April in The Ozarks makes you smell powerful. That’s because I took Machiavelli’s complete works and condensed it into a cleansing fragrance.

Like this:

And just for Buying One and Getting One FREE, you’ll also get the opportunity to buy a SECOND one for FREE for FULL PRICE. Act NOW before this deal grows fins and flies away.

Like this:

The only voting I do is with my wallet. When I buy This, I’m voting against That and vice reversa. That’s the only real political power we have.

Like this:

Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

Like this:

I’m now selling a liquid escalator in a bottle for your showering pleasure. It’s an uplifting fragrance.

Like this:

When making soap, the most important ingredient I include is Time. What you smell now is not what you smelled then, or what you’ll smell later, and those small fluctuations, those tiny discrepancies, are the spaces occupied by nostalgia, as the mind works to fill in the gaps.

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