A woman just asked me if I’m good in bed, and I replied, “No, I’m a terrible sleeper. In fact, I’m so inefficient that it takes me twelve hours to do what the average person can do in eight.”

2019/10/082019/10/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m also trying to get a shoe sponsorship, because why buy low and sell high when I don’t have to buy at all? #RethinkRetailArbitrage

2019/03/302019/03/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

2019/03/272019/03/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!

2019/02/252019/02/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What year is it? I don’t even know, because since I’ve been cuddling with a hologram, I’ve been living in The Future! For ONLY $19.95, you can buy a ticket to the place everyone would pay to go to now, but will eventually end up there for FREE. Save time by spending money!

2019/02/112019/02/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

2019/01/232019/01/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Let us love with a love greater than two, but equal to one.

2018/12/262018/12/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am one man short of being a One-Man Cuddle Factory, but I guess that’s better than being one short man. But hey, at least there’s FREE meatloaf.

2018/12/242018/12/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Rent one cat in a bag, get FREE snuggles. The bag is available to rent per hour, per day, or perhaps for life. But hurry, because supplies are limited. First come, first serve, as I only have ONE left IN STOCK.

2018/06/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to be vehemently opposed to The War on Drugs, because it saved people’s lives by ruining their lives through enslavement, but now I think it’d be a good idea to make war on drugs—starting and ending with dismantling The CIA.

2018/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: snuggle

A woman just asked me if I’m good in bed, and I replied, “No, I’m a terrible sleeper. In fact, I’m so inefficient that it takes me twelve hours to do what the average person can do in eight.”

Like this:

I’m also trying to get a shoe sponsorship, because why buy low and sell high when I don’t have to buy at all? #RethinkRetailArbitrage

Like this:

Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

Like this:

Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!

Like this:

What year is it? I don’t even know, because since I’ve been cuddling with a hologram, I’ve been living in The Future! For ONLY $19.95, you can buy a ticket to the place everyone would pay to go to now, but will eventually end up there for FREE. Save time by spending money!

Like this:

For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

Like this:

Let us love with a love greater than two, but equal to one.

Like this:

I am one man short of being a One-Man Cuddle Factory, but I guess that’s better than being one short man. But hey, at least there’s FREE meatloaf.

Like this:

Rent one cat in a bag, get FREE snuggles. The bag is available to rent per hour, per day, or perhaps for life. But hurry, because supplies are limited. First come, first serve, as I only have ONE left IN STOCK.

Like this:

I used to be vehemently opposed to The War on Drugs, because it saved people’s lives by ruining their lives through enslavement, but now I think it’d be a good idea to make war on drugs—starting and ending with dismantling The CIA.

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