I can coach you how to become the next Michael Phelps—but not the Michael Phelps of swimming. No, I’ll teach you how to sleep like a pro. And if you don’t fall asleep during class, I won’t think you’re a good student.

2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor.

2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

How do pillow makers sleep at night? Do they have no souls? How can pillow makers sleep knowing they make an Object of Violence that is involved in more fights than any other component of bedding?

2020/12/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I saw a rooster on a leash, so I asked the guy walking it if he was offering Meals On A Leash. He denied being an industry disruptor, an innovator, so I snatched the approach to FRESH delivery food and transformed it into a new #startup.

2020/03/262020/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.

2020/03/102020/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If Uncle Sam didn’t exist, I wouldn’t even have one friend. Of course, I pay Uncle Sam out of my paycheck, so it kind of feels like I’m buying his love.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The only voting I do is with my wallet. When I buy This, I’m voting against That and vice reversa. That’s the only real political power we have.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m also selling Fish-Scented Soap. Each bar comes with a FREE six-pack of beer.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am THE Rocky Balboa of the voting world, because I have been training and preparing for four years to change the world. Will I succeed? It will be a challenge, but by bubbling in my Presidential choice, I will save earth. Am I a hero? You decide. But a parade would be nice.

2020/01/052020/01/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: sleep

I can coach you how to become the next Michael Phelps—but not the Michael Phelps of swimming. No, I’ll teach you how to sleep like a pro. And if you don’t fall asleep during class, I won’t think you’re a good student.

Like this:

Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor.

Like this:

How do pillow makers sleep at night? Do they have no souls? How can pillow makers sleep knowing they make an Object of Violence that is involved in more fights than any other component of bedding?

Like this:

I saw a rooster on a leash, so I asked the guy walking it if he was offering Meals On A Leash. He denied being an industry disruptor, an innovator, so I snatched the approach to FRESH delivery food and transformed it into a new #startup.

Like this:

For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

Like this:

Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.

Like this:

If Uncle Sam didn’t exist, I wouldn’t even have one friend. Of course, I pay Uncle Sam out of my paycheck, so it kind of feels like I’m buying his love.

Like this:

The only voting I do is with my wallet. When I buy This, I’m voting against That and vice reversa. That’s the only real political power we have.

Like this:

I’m also selling Fish-Scented Soap. Each bar comes with a FREE six-pack of beer.

Like this:

I am THE Rocky Balboa of the voting world, because I have been training and preparing for four years to change the world. Will I succeed? It will be a challenge, but by bubbling in my Presidential choice, I will save earth. Am I a hero? You decide. But a parade would be nice.

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