Tag: shopping
To be a good shopper, you must spend as little money as possible to get as much quantity and quality as possible, but to be a great shopper, you must spend other people’s money. Next time you’re in a store, think like a politician.
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Waterfall escalators are now ON SALE. Treat your Splashing Snuggle Factory to the finest mobility equipment, and let it enjoy its old age with dignity.
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To hide inflation from my Dancing Lessons customers, I’ve decided to keep the price at $19.95, but dramatically and drastically reduce quantity and quality. Thanks for shopping.
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Why miss a sale at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? You lose a nickel, but consumers lose their shit. They may not externalize it, but their excitement shows up at the cashless register.
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Is it better to have ten people buy once, or one people buy ten times? Next time, try BOTH!
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Shopping for shopping carts has been my addiction ever since I discovered that Aldi’s was selling them for a quarter each. Now I resell them at 3 for 99 cents, or 95 for ONLY $19.95!
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Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!
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Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.
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When buying something that’s ON SALE, always remember what my grandpappy used to say, “It doesn’t matter how cheap a thing is, if you don’t need it, make like Leftover Meatloaf in tinfoil and go to the moon!”
