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Tag: shop local

When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.

2021/09/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Leonardo’s is right across the street from McDonald’s. I know, a tough choice, right? Do I want to eat ground-up runaway teens marketed and sold as “hamburgers,” or do I want to eat tasty local Italian food?

2021/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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On a Sleepy to Coffee Scale, right now I’m Pure Insomnia. I’m talking about Alaska at midnight kind of awake.

2021/05/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You are what you drink, even if the largest volume of fluid is music streaming in through your ears. Playing a song on repeat is like enjoying FREE refills on coffee.

2021/05/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After you become your own Netflix, why don’t you try becoming your own Central Bank? But be sure to not make the mistake of getting assassinated.

2021/03/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Butterflies are fluttering flowers, and they float the way Dad’s Donuts’ fluffy pastries taste. The sweet delights are so light they give flight to culinary fantasy.

2021/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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By embracing international corporations, and encouraging them to come to town, the Chamber of Commerce is making everyone poorer, because Mom & Pop shops can’t compete on price, and all the money spent at Global Inc. gets siphoned away and can’t spiral around locally.

2021/02/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Shop local. No matter where you are in the world, buy from BearPaw Duck Farm.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know about you, but The Great Reset has me excited. I can’t wait for the day that every city and town looks the same, offering no unique business culture, where the only place to shop is Walmart, and the only place to eat is McDonald’s. Globalism is the future.

2020/11/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
  • McDonald’s makes my grandma’s leftover meatloaf look fresh. She died in 1999.
  • If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?
  • If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
  • If a library has no books, it’s just an empty building, and people would know there had been a heist. But if you burn the library after you loot it, then it’s not a robbery, it’s a loss that won’t be looked for or pursued.
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