When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Is shopping a chore, or is shopping a pleasure? Depends on who you are—and where you go to spend your money. Smiles cost nothing to give to customers, and they beat Buy One, Get One FREE.

2019/11/262019/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

2019/04/112019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why would you put the word dollar in your store? That’s a great way to continuously devalue your brand until it reaches its natural resting state—zero.

2019/03/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Center Stage is a Yum Factory, manufacturing olfactory and gustation sensations, and that’s the kind of industry that is helping to Make this country great again.

2019/02/272019/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.

2019/02/162019/02/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Shop local. Why buy grandmas from out of town, when the ones here are all ON SALE?

2019/02/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A shopping cart over a bonfire is a Poor Man’s Grill. Right now I’m selling charred hamburgers that taste like savings, particularly and specifically Everyday Low Prices, because I stole this cart from Walmart.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I drink coffee like a thirsty desert camel, and if you’d like a piggyback ride across The Sahara, you’d better fuel me up with excess java.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you happen to have a pet that’s so exotic it’s extinct, I do have specialty leashes, and I offer walking services at affordable prices. I’ll even walk your pet peeve, though there’s an extra cost due to the intrinsically irritating nature of the experience.

2019/01/302019/01/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: shop local

When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

Like this:

Is shopping a chore, or is shopping a pleasure? Depends on who you are—and where you go to spend your money. Smiles cost nothing to give to customers, and they beat Buy One, Get One FREE.

Like this:

My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

Like this:

Why would you put the word dollar in your store? That’s a great way to continuously devalue your brand until it reaches its natural resting state—zero.

Like this:

Center Stage is a Yum Factory, manufacturing olfactory and gustation sensations, and that’s the kind of industry that is helping to Make this country great again.

Like this:

Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.

Like this:

Shop local. Why buy grandmas from out of town, when the ones here are all ON SALE?

Like this:

A shopping cart over a bonfire is a Poor Man’s Grill. Right now I’m selling charred hamburgers that taste like savings, particularly and specifically Everyday Low Prices, because I stole this cart from Walmart.

Like this:

I drink coffee like a thirsty desert camel, and if you’d like a piggyback ride across The Sahara, you’d better fuel me up with excess java.

Like this:

If you happen to have a pet that’s so exotic it’s extinct, I do have specialty leashes, and I offer walking services at affordable prices. I’ll even walk your pet peeve, though there’s an extra cost due to the intrinsically irritating nature of the experience.

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