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The best wave machine is a hurricane, and one time in high school I skipped classes to go surfing in one. As I was tumbling on the ocean floor while my lungs were screeching like a scratchy Beastie Boys song, I thought, “Hey, maybe math class wouldn’t be so bad right now.”

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It used to be that you needed to go to college to be considered successful, but now that college is seen as a scam, they should just evenly distribute degrees so we can all live The American Dream.

2019/12/282019/12/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why go into $30,000 worth of debt to remain ignorant, when you can do that for FREE from the comfort of your own sofa? Not going to college, and not going into debt for a worthless piece of paper, makes you wealthier and puts you four years ahead of your peers.

2019/10/262019/10/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I drive an exotic sports car, a 2011 Toyota Camry, so I’m a guy that appreciates speed and luxury, which is why I decided to start selling high-quantity goods at low-quality prices.

2019/02/262019/02/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As Masters of The Fondle, TSA agents are so romantic that if they weren’t getting paid to grope travelers, they’d all probably be sitting at home writing Love Poetry in the style of Allen Ginsberg, that rambler for NAMBLA.

2019/01/292019/01/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best things in life may be free, but I can assure you none of those things come from the government. When the government says FREE, they really mean by force.

2018/02/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It’s time for you to wake up. And I don’t mean because it’s 6:33 AM. I mean because you’ve been slumbering your whole life. Your state-sponsored textbooks didn’t teach you how to think. They only taught you how to sleepwalk like a zombie.

2018/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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