I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.

2022/12/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.

2021/12/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.

2021/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.

2021/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.

2021/06/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”

2021/06/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.

2021/06/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

2021/06/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

2021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: saxophone

I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.

Like this:

The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.

Like this:

People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.

Like this:

I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.

Like this:

It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.

Like this:

I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.

Like this:

As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”

Like this:

You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.

Like this:

Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

Like this:

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

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