We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

2019/08/132019/08/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Even if you had acne scar pits like the lunar surface, NASA couldn’t land on your face. But I’d still like to see Ryan Gosling try, so you should probably buy my movie ticket or else I’m just gonna sneak in the theater after you pay.

2019/07/262019/07/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you buy my course, “How To Turn The Holocaust Into Your Own Money-Making Machine” for ONLY $19.95, you’ll also get a FREE yarmulke. But that’s not all! You’ll also receive a travel guide featuring all 109 countries your economic progenitors were forcible exiled from!

2019/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Donald Trump won a rigged election in 2016, and so if it was rigged, did he really win? Or was he selected? Was he put in place by the same people who orchestrated 9/11, and if not, how did The Simpsons predict both Black Swan events?

2019/06/052019/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make lots of mistakes. I just don’t make the exact same mistake every four years by voting, because I’m clever and learn after my first blunder.

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Bravery is knowing that danger is coming, but willingly rushing in to certain slaughter. Wait, that sounds a lot like voting.

2019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why would I give my money to a business that values developing a relationship with me, like a Mom and Pop Shop, when I could give it to Walmart, who only looks at me as a future FEMA Camp prisoner? Seems like a good idea to let Walmart continue to strangle my local economy.

2019/04/042019/04/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When Republicans talk about American FREEDOM, I’m sure they’re including our dependance on advertising to tell us which pharmaceutical products we’d love to enslave ourselves to, and how we can become healthier by first making ourselves sicker.

2019/03/292019/03/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Can you do what I do? Well, do you have the reflexes of an Extreme Athlete? For my switch-flipping skill, I should get an Energy Drink sponsorship.

2019/02/042019/02/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m also offering Painting Classes. Paint like a master by painting over masterpieces. Improve on The Mona Lisa by adding a mustache, you creative genius. $19.95 per session.

2019/02/032019/02/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: sarcasm

We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

Like this:

Even if you had acne scar pits like the lunar surface, NASA couldn’t land on your face. But I’d still like to see Ryan Gosling try, so you should probably buy my movie ticket or else I’m just gonna sneak in the theater after you pay.

Like this:

If you buy my course, “How To Turn The Holocaust Into Your Own Money-Making Machine” for ONLY $19.95, you’ll also get a FREE yarmulke. But that’s not all! You’ll also receive a travel guide featuring all 109 countries your economic progenitors were forcible exiled from!

Like this:

Donald Trump won a rigged election in 2016, and so if it was rigged, did he really win? Or was he selected? Was he put in place by the same people who orchestrated 9/11, and if not, how did The Simpsons predict both Black Swan events?

Like this:

I make lots of mistakes. I just don’t make the exact same mistake every four years by voting, because I’m clever and learn after my first blunder.

Like this:

Bravery is knowing that danger is coming, but willingly rushing in to certain slaughter. Wait, that sounds a lot like voting.

Like this:

Why would I give my money to a business that values developing a relationship with me, like a Mom and Pop Shop, when I could give it to Walmart, who only looks at me as a future FEMA Camp prisoner? Seems like a good idea to let Walmart continue to strangle my local economy.

Like this:

When Republicans talk about American FREEDOM, I’m sure they’re including our dependance on advertising to tell us which pharmaceutical products we’d love to enslave ourselves to, and how we can become healthier by first making ourselves sicker.

Like this:

Can you do what I do? Well, do you have the reflexes of an Extreme Athlete? For my switch-flipping skill, I should get an Energy Drink sponsorship.

Like this:

I’m also offering Painting Classes. Paint like a master by painting over masterpieces. Improve on The Mona Lisa by adding a mustache, you creative genius. $19.95 per session.

Like this:

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