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Tag: salesmanship

Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A shopping cart over a bonfire is a Poor Man’s Grill. Right now I’m selling charred hamburgers that taste like savings, particularly and specifically Everyday Low Prices, because I stole this cart from Walmart.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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By shopping on Amazon, you may save money today, but you’ll pay for it in the future. By not buying local, your discounted purchase comes at the cost of Mom and Pop Shops struggling to survive, and when they are all gone, so is your town.

2019/01/292019/01/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Art of The Sale is all about hiding your brush strokes. In that regard, I am a Renaissance Master. Sign up for my class: “How To Sell Like da Vinci Painted,” and if you register within the next ten minutes, you’ll pay ONLY $19.95.

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

2019/01/232019/01/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ll bring the empty Tupperware containers, if you bring all the pre-made love we’ll sell to low-price buyers and high-value shoppers. (They’ll get both with our frozen product, which is ready to be reheated and enjoyed on a lonely night.)

2019/01/222019/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • Even if I had both my knees replaced with two Rubik’s cubes, I’d still make coffee runs to Neighbor’s Mill. The only puzzle to me is how anybody would ever choose a donut from Dunkin’ over one from Dad’s.
  • Your eyes have to be glazed over with stupidity to think that one FREE glazed donut per day from Krispy Kreme is some kind of valuable reward for letting yourself be injected with fluid that makes viper poison look wholesome.
  • At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we believe the only thing that separates meatloaf from birthday cake is candles. Since they both have the same great flavor, why don’t you buy a slab for your next celebration?
  • As a farmer of waterfalls here in Harrison, Arkansas, I get to raise air-flowing bodies of aqua. Though this one is just a baby, with the right diet, it may grow up to be the next Niagara.
  • My favorite song is With Or Without You. That’s also how I dance.
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