A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A shopping cart over a bonfire is a Poor Man’s Grill. Right now I’m selling charred hamburgers that taste like savings, particularly and specifically Everyday Low Prices, because I stole this cart from Walmart.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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By shopping on Amazon, you may save money today, but you’ll pay for it in the future. By not buying local, your discounted purchase comes at the cost of Mom and Pop Shops struggling to survive, and when they are all gone, so is your town.

2019/01/292019/01/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Art of The Sale is all about hiding your brush strokes. In that regard, I am a Renaissance Master. Sign up for my class: “How To Sell Like da Vinci Painted,” and if you register within the next ten minutes, you’ll pay ONLY $19.95.

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

2019/01/232019/01/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ll bring the empty Tupperware containers, if you bring all the pre-made love we’ll sell to low-price buyers and high-value shoppers. (They’ll get both with our frozen product, which is ready to be reheated and enjoyed on a lonely night.)

2019/01/222019/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was talking to a man the other day who was telling me stories from his past, and I was sad, because all of his memories were scenes from sitcoms he’d seen on TV. Then I sold him a box of tissues, and then convinced him to let me use them all, since he did make me cry.

2019/01/222019/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: salesmanship

A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

Like this:

What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

Like this:

I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

Like this:

A shopping cart over a bonfire is a Poor Man’s Grill. Right now I’m selling charred hamburgers that taste like savings, particularly and specifically Everyday Low Prices, because I stole this cart from Walmart.

Like this:

By shopping on Amazon, you may save money today, but you’ll pay for it in the future. By not buying local, your discounted purchase comes at the cost of Mom and Pop Shops struggling to survive, and when they are all gone, so is your town.

Like this:

The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

Like this:

The Art of The Sale is all about hiding your brush strokes. In that regard, I am a Renaissance Master. Sign up for my class: “How To Sell Like da Vinci Painted,” and if you register within the next ten minutes, you’ll pay ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

Like this:

I’ll bring the empty Tupperware containers, if you bring all the pre-made love we’ll sell to low-price buyers and high-value shoppers. (They’ll get both with our frozen product, which is ready to be reheated and enjoyed on a lonely night.)

Like this:

I was talking to a man the other day who was telling me stories from his past, and I was sad, because all of his memories were scenes from sitcoms he’d seen on TV. Then I sold him a box of tissues, and then convinced him to let me use them all, since he did make me cry.

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