Tag: salesmanship
A shoplifter in a shopping cart is already in a prison cell of sorts.
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Why am I offering Open Heart Surgery operations for ONLY $19.95? Simple: Because my heart has so much love to give. Also there’s the fact that I’ve never done one before, and so there’s a good chance I may forget to put your heart back in before I close up your chest.
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Love is a garden, and if you want it to grow, you have to get a little dirty. I like it when you get dirty with me.
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Actually, I do have other love making sizes to offer besides extra large, but they’re all boxed up in The Warehouse, and probably covered in cobwebs. But because you’re a valued customer, I’ll dust off the extra small to better serve you.
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What I have to sell you is FREE, and it will only cost you time, because what I deal in is the absurd, and I have enough of it to fill up your whole lifetime.
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The world needs more love, and I need more money, which is my my new #startup idea of a floating gondola rowed romantically on fog in The Ozarks is a win-win-win, with the first two wins going to me, and the third one going to you, for the incredibly LOW PRICE of just $19.95.
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My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.
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Making love is a beautiful thing, but remember to bring some Tupperware Containers, just in case you make extra and need to keep it fresh for a few weeks. That way customers don’t complain about the smell of the product you are selling.
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Why make dinner, when it was just made last night and there is still some left over? Same thing with making love. If you’re horny, check the fridge.
