I only call my new cologne Insecticide, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

2019/09/132019/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a born salesman. In fact, I was born earlier than the doctor expected, so before my mom and I left the hospital I was able successfully haggle down the price of the whole process, getting it discounted by the amount of time I saved by appearing before my scheduled arrival.

2019/08/302019/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you considered using Leftover Meatloaf as a sponge to scrub your naked body in the shower? It’s all I seem to think about these days.

2019/08/302019/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are so fluid that I’m now selling them in one Extra Large cup, and if you buy within the next 24 hours I’ll even include FREE Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/08/272019/08/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Water in a picture is a good visual of how my love flows for you, because it does and it doesn’t flow—both at the same time. I guess it all depends on how you look at it—and if you’re a paid-up subscriber.

2019/08/162019/08/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

2019/06/022019/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Waterfall escalators are now ON SALE. Treat your Splashing Snuggle Factory to the finest mobility equipment, and let it enjoy its old age with dignity.

2019/04/082019/04/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

2019/03/262019/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: salesman

I only call my new cologne Insecticide, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

Like this:

Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

Like this:

I’m a born salesman. In fact, I was born earlier than the doctor expected, so before my mom and I left the hospital I was able successfully haggle down the price of the whole process, getting it discounted by the amount of time I saved by appearing before my scheduled arrival.

Like this:

Have you considered using Leftover Meatloaf as a sponge to scrub your naked body in the shower? It’s all I seem to think about these days.

Like this:

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are so fluid that I’m now selling them in one Extra Large cup, and if you buy within the next 24 hours I’ll even include FREE Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

Water in a picture is a good visual of how my love flows for you, because it does and it doesn’t flow—both at the same time. I guess it all depends on how you look at it—and if you’re a paid-up subscriber.

Like this:

I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

Like this:

I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

Like this:

Waterfall escalators are now ON SALE. Treat your Splashing Snuggle Factory to the finest mobility equipment, and let it enjoy its old age with dignity.

Like this:

Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

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