I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

2019/06/022019/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Waterfall escalators are now ON SALE. Treat your Splashing Snuggle Factory to the finest mobility equipment, and let it enjoy its old age with dignity.

2019/04/082019/04/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

2019/03/262019/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Steaks are NOW 19 for $19.95. Wow, that’s practically a steal! Actually, it truly is a steal. That’s what makes the food taste so great!

2019/02/272019/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you have always wanted to be a fisherman of cash, but just haven’t had the right net to catch it all with, then NOW is your chance to use what the pros use. My net is 100% nylon and Made In America, Argentina.

2019/02/272019/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James is the ONLY Branson attraction where you spend money for the chance to make money. It could be the easiest way to swim in cash without waiting for inflation to make you into both a millionaire and a peasant.

2019/02/222019/02/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: salesman

I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

Like this:

I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

Like this:

Waterfall escalators are now ON SALE. Treat your Splashing Snuggle Factory to the finest mobility equipment, and let it enjoy its old age with dignity.

Like this:

Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

Like this:

A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

Like this:

Steaks are NOW 19 for $19.95. Wow, that’s practically a steal! Actually, it truly is a steal. That’s what makes the food taste so great!

Like this:

If you have always wanted to be a fisherman of cash, but just haven’t had the right net to catch it all with, then NOW is your chance to use what the pros use. My net is 100% nylon and Made In America, Argentina.

Like this:

The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James is the ONLY Branson attraction where you spend money for the chance to make money. It could be the easiest way to swim in cash without waiting for inflation to make you into both a millionaire and a peasant.

Like this:

What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

Like this:

I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

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