Why should you listen to me about business? Do I know how to make a dollar? Yes. Do I know how to make two dollars? Well, no. Not unless I get my hands on a Federal Reserve Fake Money Printer.
Tag: sales
My philosophy on marketing for BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm is I like to think, “What would I do if I were running the company?” Then I remember that I am running the company, and I do that thing.
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When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.
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I think you are confused. You want to fight the GOAT, the Greatest Of All Time, and not an actual goat. But I’ll bet you could beat the GOAT in a fight, because you have the distinct advantage of not being dead.
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I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.
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It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.
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Potential customers always ask me, “Jarod, what are you selling over at BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm?” I tell them, “If you don’t know what I’m selling, then you’re the best kind of buyer.”
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The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.
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At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we value self-expression—even if that extends to gender. That’s why we sell T-shirts in Men’s, Women’s, and More Expensive. There may be 333 different genders, but we’ll only charge you more money for 331 of them.
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You should be proactive and call BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm BEFORE something breaks on your car. That way we can come out and make sure something needs to get fixed.
