Tag: sales
I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.
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Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)
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When I sell a Karate Chop, I never give a handshake to seal the deal, because I don’t give out FREE samples of the deadliest product in all of Clown World.
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This is an innovative class, because you pay me $19.95, and in return I teach you nothing. But in doing so, I teach you everything, so I think it’s a deal and you’ll really get your money’s worth. Sign up today!
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If I were actually going to sell love, the best way to do it would be to give away FREE samples, because the more I gave away, the more I’d get in return and the more I’d have to sell.
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The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.
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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.
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I’m now renting whispers and Purr Factories, and if you purchase with in the next 19 minutes, I’ll even include some of my world-famous Leftover Meatloaf for FREE. That’s the 1999 vintage, and it still has that Y2K flavor.
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The only thing better than free is coffee, except of course for free coffee, which is like liquid heaven, and why I’m now selling it for ONLY $19.95 per cup.
