If I were actually going to sell love, the best way to do it would be to give away FREE samples, because the more I gave away, the more I’d get in return and the more I’d have to sell.

2019/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.

2019/04/162019/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now renting whispers and Purr Factories, and if you purchase with in the next 19 minutes, I’ll even include some of my world-famous Leftover Meatloaf for FREE. That’s the 1999 vintage, and it still has that Y2K flavor.

2019/04/132019/04/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The only thing better than free is coffee, except of course for free coffee, which is like liquid heaven, and why I’m now selling it for ONLY $19.95 per cup.

2019/04/132019/04/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you ever stepped on a Lego? Well, you know that jerky movement your legs do, with an accompanying torso contortion? I can teach you how to dance like that without the pain stimulus that prompted that stylish motion. And my Dancing Lessons are now in liquid format!

2019/04/112019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Is there anything more musical than flowing water that’s larger than a creek, but smaller than a river? Now streaming for ONLY $19.95!

2019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Crazy Eddie’s went out of business in 1989, which made 2019 the perfect year for me to buy a NEW VCR and color TV! If you bring the popcorn, I’m just about to pop in a great episode of Murder, She Wrote I recorded in 1991.

2019/04/112019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

2019/04/112019/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: sales

If I were actually going to sell love, the best way to do it would be to give away FREE samples, because the more I gave away, the more I’d get in return and the more I’d have to sell.

Like this:

The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.

Like this:

My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

I’m now renting whispers and Purr Factories, and if you purchase with in the next 19 minutes, I’ll even include some of my world-famous Leftover Meatloaf for FREE. That’s the 1999 vintage, and it still has that Y2K flavor.

Like this:

The only thing better than free is coffee, except of course for free coffee, which is like liquid heaven, and why I’m now selling it for ONLY $19.95 per cup.

Like this:

Have you ever stepped on a Lego? Well, you know that jerky movement your legs do, with an accompanying torso contortion? I can teach you how to dance like that without the pain stimulus that prompted that stylish motion. And my Dancing Lessons are now in liquid format!

Like this:

Is there anything more musical than flowing water that’s larger than a creek, but smaller than a river? Now streaming for ONLY $19.95!

Like this:

Crazy Eddie’s went out of business in 1989, which made 2019 the perfect year for me to buy a NEW VCR and color TV! If you bring the popcorn, I’m just about to pop in a great episode of Murder, She Wrote I recorded in 1991.

Like this:

My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).

Like this:

I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

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