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Tag: sale

No live bats are injured in the making of my Duck Soup. To mimic the flavor of FlyingMouse, I use black powdered CaveBird of the variety that used to be shoved inside of muskets to make them fire.

2021/01/072021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My ducks are ON SALE at Buy Four, Get TWO prices. (Limit three per purchase.)

2020/12/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Being a good cuddler is something that can be taught, but being the best is something you’re born with. Or, in my case, it’s something to be bought. The Trophy Store is now having a two-for-one SALE, so I’m also about to be the best 4D chess player in the world, overtaking Trump.

2020/10/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite kind of chips are the ones on people’s shoulders. I wish I could bag them up and sell them in vending machines.

2020/10/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Don’t just VOTE. Run to your nearest Voting Factory like you’re on a treadmill. I’ll be sitting in a chair with wheels, because my Jaguar is in the shop again—and it’s ON SALE.

2020/10/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make serious memes for serious people. I also make other things, including money, and everything is FOR SALE. Everything MUST GO.

2020/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like my legs are made of Jell-O. I know, exotic and romantic, right? But my dancing also now comes in Duck Soup Flavor, and is FOR SALE in small, medium, and buffet-style.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a man of faith, I believe. And it’s that very belief that gives me my faith. For me the two are one, like my sale on Frozen Duck Soup Popsicles: Buy Two For The Price Of One! (Offer not valid for residents of Alaska.)

2020/05/232020/05/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
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