Tag: running
Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.
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I’m a bit of a marathon runner myself. I once ran for Class President, and I only lost by 26.2 miles. It was a tight race.
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Coffee makes you shit, but that doesn’t mean you should drink shitty coffee. Why buy a cup full of good coffee, when you could sip what I sell out of a diaper?
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I once ran five miles an hour. It took me two hours to build up that kind of speed. I built it using 100% recycled material.
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I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.
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I feel like I’m running a marathon on a treadmill, so while I’m covering an incredible distance, I’m also not going anywhere.
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I’m also trying to get a shoe sponsorship, because why buy low and sell high when I don’t have to buy at all? #RethinkRetailArbitrage
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Lilly Hobbs versus Fast Food. Quality overcomes speed. A local business For The Win!
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When I go jogging at night, and it’s pitch black, my shadow always takes the opportunity to run off and go grab a beer, because he thinks his actions are camouflaged and invisible to me. But when he gets fat and no longer mirrors my body, he’ll bring shame to The Shadow Community.
