Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.

2020/03/102020/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a bit of a marathon runner myself. I once ran for Class President, and I only lost by 26.2 miles. It was a tight race.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Coffee makes you shit, but that doesn’t mean you should drink shitty coffee. Why buy a cup full of good coffee, when you could sip what I sell out of a diaper?

2019/12/132019/12/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once ran five miles an hour. It took me two hours to build up that kind of speed. I built it using 100% recycled material.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

2019/06/022019/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I feel like I’m running a marathon on a treadmill, so while I’m covering an incredible distance, I’m also not going anywhere.

2019/05/032019/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m also trying to get a shoe sponsorship, because why buy low and sell high when I don’t have to buy at all? #RethinkRetailArbitrage

2019/03/302019/03/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I go jogging at night, and it’s pitch black, my shadow always takes the opportunity to run off and go grab a beer, because he thinks his actions are camouflaged and invisible to me. But when he gets fat and no longer mirrors my body, he’ll bring shame to The Shadow Community.

2018/08/212018/08/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Waiting for The Department of Justice to actually deliver justice to Hillary Clinton is like watching someone run a marathon on a treadmill. It’s forever ongoing, but it’s never actually going anywhere.

2018/04/072018/04/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Today’s society hands out Participation Trophies so nobody feels like a loser. Well, as a father, my dad would have earned a (non) Participation Trophy. Instead of 1st Place, it would have been inscribed, “No Place,” because he was never around and nowhere to be found.

2017/12/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: run

Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.

Like this:

I’m a bit of a marathon runner myself. I once ran for Class President, and I only lost by 26.2 miles. It was a tight race.

Like this:

Coffee makes you shit, but that doesn’t mean you should drink shitty coffee. Why buy a cup full of good coffee, when you could sip what I sell out of a diaper?

Like this:

I once ran five miles an hour. It took me two hours to build up that kind of speed. I built it using 100% recycled material.

Like this:

I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

Like this:

I feel like I’m running a marathon on a treadmill, so while I’m covering an incredible distance, I’m also not going anywhere.

Like this:

I’m also trying to get a shoe sponsorship, because why buy low and sell high when I don’t have to buy at all? #RethinkRetailArbitrage

Like this:

When I go jogging at night, and it’s pitch black, my shadow always takes the opportunity to run off and go grab a beer, because he thinks his actions are camouflaged and invisible to me. But when he gets fat and no longer mirrors my body, he’ll bring shame to The Shadow Community.

Like this:

Waiting for The Department of Justice to actually deliver justice to Hillary Clinton is like watching someone run a marathon on a treadmill. It’s forever ongoing, but it’s never actually going anywhere.

Like this:

Today’s society hands out Participation Trophies so nobody feels like a loser. Well, as a father, my dad would have earned a (non) Participation Trophy. Instead of 1st Place, it would have been inscribed, “No Place,” because he was never around and nowhere to be found.

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