I can coach you how to become the next Michael Phelps—but not the Michael Phelps of swimming. No, I’ll teach you how to sleep like a pro. And if you don’t fall asleep during class, I won’t think you’re a good student. 2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor. 2020/12/312021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
I have a long-running joke about Roger Bannister. Well, not THAT long. It’s exactly a mile, but the joke is under four minutes. 2020/12/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete. 2020/12/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
Don’t just VOTE. Run to your nearest Voting Factory like you’re on a treadmill. I’ll be sitting in a chair with wheels, because my Jaguar is in the shop again—and it’s ON SALE. 2020/10/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes. 2020/09/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
Rocky 4 is #1, and while Rocky is Rocky 1, it’s still #2. Rocky 2 is somewhere in the middle, like the year 1212. It’s time to take that time out of the freezer and reheat it in a volcano, like you’d do with any other leftovers. 2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
I dance like my legs are made of Jell-O. I know, exotic and romantic, right? But my dancing also now comes in Duck Soup Flavor, and is FOR SALE in small, medium, and buffet-style. 2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
I’m now selling Duck-Soup Popsicles in vintage meatloaf colors. The flavor of 1991 has never looked so good while camping. Just ask Bigfoot. 2020/05/012020/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...
Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber. 2020/03/102020/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading... Share this:EmailTweetShare on TumblrMorePrintPocketWhatsAppLike this:Like Loading...