The only thing better than me is you, except for me and you together, which is best of all. And I’m not being hyperbolic about my being third best. I have a trophy to prove it. I bought it from The Trophy Store for $19.95.

2019/08/162019/08/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

2019/08/062019/08/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It just so happens that my birthday is on a national holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

2019/08/052019/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

2019/04/152019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I love coffee like I love love, but only one of them I’m offering FREE refills on. Both will wake up your mind, but only my love will also wake up your heart.

2019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

2019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love doesn’t belong to me, and our love doesn’t belong to you. Our love belongs to The Future.

2019/04/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We live in a world of fake money, fake food, fake news, fake history, fake space, fake reasons to go to war, and fake genders, but you think the love you swiped right on is real? Well, I’ll leave you that delusion, because at least it was FREE.

2019/04/042019/04/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ve written a whole forest’s worth of Love Poetry for you, and not a single tree was chopped down to complete this Library of The Heart.

2019/03/262019/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: romantic

The only thing better than me is you, except for me and you together, which is best of all. And I’m not being hyperbolic about my being third best. I have a trophy to prove it. I bought it from The Trophy Store for $19.95.

Like this:

Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

Like this:

It just so happens that my birthday is on a national holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

Like this:

As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

Like this:

I love coffee like I love love, but only one of them I’m offering FREE refills on. Both will wake up your mind, but only my love will also wake up your heart.

Like this:

My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

Like this:

Our love doesn’t belong to me, and our love doesn’t belong to you. Our love belongs to The Future.

Like this:

We live in a world of fake money, fake food, fake news, fake history, fake space, fake reasons to go to war, and fake genders, but you think the love you swiped right on is real? Well, I’ll leave you that delusion, because at least it was FREE.

Like this:

I’ve written a whole forest’s worth of Love Poetry for you, and not a single tree was chopped down to complete this Library of The Heart.

Like this:

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