Tag: retail apocalypse
Are you a Never Forget or an Always Remember kind of person? I’m somewhere in the middle, like Kansas. I mean, I’m not there now, but I would be, if I weren’t stuck in a Time Mobius Trap I foolishly set to spring open on myself in the year 2019, on Nov 12th at exactly 3:33 PM.
You can offer FREE swag, FREE food, and FREE entertainment, but if people have no money, then they’re not going to buy anything from you. And is that the failure of experiential retail—or The Banksters who have debased our currency and impoverished us all?
Sure, the retail apocalypse has decimated our consumer economy, but you can always find work at The Whisper Factory. If you see something suspicious like somebody not watching TV, turn them in and get PAID! Report your grandma and get a BONUS!
Why would you put the word dollar in your store? That’s a great way to continuously devalue your brand until it reaches its natural resting state—zero.
When I talk about Florida, I don’t abbreviate by calling it Flo, so of course I refer to Amazon Go by its full name: Amazon Gonorrhea.
Sell your hope and buy prudence. I won’t buy the former from you, but I do have some of the latter for you to buy, and if you act within the next fifteen minutes I’ll even throw in some FREE cynicism.
Of all the things you have to sell, you should NEVER sell your love. No, you should offer it FOR LEASE. Ask me about my Romance Special that is customized just for you.
Sears has a future—but only if you are living in the past.
As a company, is @Sears done? If it were a hamburger, it would be as chewy as charcoal, which is healthier than anything from @McDonalds.
— Senator Jarod Kintz (@JarodKintz1) May 17, 2017
But what do current employees have to say about working there?
Can’t wait for the day I work at Sears and I don’t get asked if we’re closing
— Kelli McQueeny (@kmcqueeny) April 30, 2017
I work at Sears The media is saying that Sears is done. Sears is saying don’t believe the media. Store is empty right now. Believe The Media pic.twitter.com/Ix5c23zMlJ
— Joyce Davis (@Thenovelist69) March 23, 2017
i work at sears right this man just came in and he got blood all on his neck 😂😂😂
— JOJOBABY (@1jojobaby) January 7, 2017
I think the last tweet about sums up the situation at Sears.
In a world of fake, real is where the money is
Ben Bernanke and Janet Yellen walk into a bar. They must be doing the Limbo, because that bar is set so incredibly low.
In a healthy economic recovery, a store closing means they’ll reopen the following morning. Under this sham recovery from 2009, it means closing forever.
According to Business Insider, Sears is secretly closing more stores than the incredibly large number they previously whispered. If mannequins could talk, they’d tell you to run.
But according to Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen, “The simple message is — the economy is doing well.”
As USA Today put it, “Eight years after the Great Recession ended, it’s finally starting to feel like a normal economy again.”
And by normal they mean if you have the vision and insight of a man with his head lodged deep in his own anus.
CNN offers this perspective, “Stores are closing at an epic pace. In fact, the retail industry could suffer far more store closures this year than ever.”
Retail sales may be going #TheWayOfLazarus, but unless we have sound money playing the role of Jesus, there won’t be a resurrection.
— Senator Jarod Kintz (@JarodKintz1) May 15, 2017
But real is too expensive. All they have to offer is #FakeNews and #FakeMoney.
ZeroHedge has dubbed this upcoming event the “Retail Apocalypse.”
They have documented this slow-motion train crash for months, and they recently said,
“As you know, the United States is rapidly descending into the ‘retail apocalypse’ with over 21 retailers closing 3591 stores in 2017.”
To avoid the inevitable death spiral that looms in our economy, and to secure safety, I’d recommend buying gold, silver, and Bitcoin.