Taste the interdimensional. Just add water—from the second heaven.

2020/04/212020/04/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Even if you’re a genderfluid that offers FREE refills on sexual orientation, and you HATE labels, you have to admit that this label for April in The Ozarks is eye-popping. I’m talking Marty Feldman eye-popping.

2020/03/122020/03/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ll bring the empty Tupperware containers, if you bring all the pre-made love we’ll sell to low-price buyers and high-value shoppers. (They’ll get both with our frozen product, which is ready to be reheated and enjoyed on a lonely night.)

2019/01/222019/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The point of modeling is to increase the visibility of the clothing being showcased, so why hire beautiful people who only distract from the product? Why not hire me at 50% the cost, and a 100% increase in transparency?

2019/01/202019/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about offering an inferior product FOR SALE, is the satisfaction I get from knowing I’m saving people money. That’s the kind of thing that builds lasting business relationships.

2019/01/092019/01/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

2019/01/072019/01/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you’re going to buy something, you may as well buy anything, and THIS amazing product FOR SALE is anything for anybody, even if, and especially if, you have a yellow smiley face for a head. These yellow gloves will really bring out your emoji.

2018/09/082018/09/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I should combine my Dancing In A Box with a Music Box, and toss in some FREE shoes, so my potential customers and students have no excuse for not buying. My product is made in a sweatshop, a sauna, unlike Nike, which uses child labor in a sweatshop.

2018/09/082018/09/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Well, the marketing campaign for #DancingLessonsInABottle has begun! Now I’m just waiting on my very first sale! And if I can get Dr. @Obambulator to recommend it to all his geriatric patients, I’ll be RICH!

2018/02/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: product

Taste the interdimensional. Just add water—from the second heaven.

Like this:

Even if you’re a genderfluid that offers FREE refills on sexual orientation, and you HATE labels, you have to admit that this label for April in The Ozarks is eye-popping. I’m talking Marty Feldman eye-popping.

Like this:

Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

Like this:

I’ll bring the empty Tupperware containers, if you bring all the pre-made love we’ll sell to low-price buyers and high-value shoppers. (They’ll get both with our frozen product, which is ready to be reheated and enjoyed on a lonely night.)

Like this:

The point of modeling is to increase the visibility of the clothing being showcased, so why hire beautiful people who only distract from the product? Why not hire me at 50% the cost, and a 100% increase in transparency?

Like this:

The best part about offering an inferior product FOR SALE, is the satisfaction I get from knowing I’m saving people money. That’s the kind of thing that builds lasting business relationships.

Like this:

After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

Like this:

If you’re going to buy something, you may as well buy anything, and THIS amazing product FOR SALE is anything for anybody, even if, and especially if, you have a yellow smiley face for a head. These yellow gloves will really bring out your emoji.

Like this:

I should combine my Dancing In A Box with a Music Box, and toss in some FREE shoes, so my potential customers and students have no excuse for not buying. My product is made in a sweatshop, a sauna, unlike Nike, which uses child labor in a sweatshop.

Like this:

Well, the marketing campaign for #DancingLessonsInABottle has begun! Now I’m just waiting on my very first sale! And if I can get Dr. @Obambulator to recommend it to all his geriatric patients, I’ll be RICH!

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