If I were a Bankster dad, I’d tell my boy to go out into the world and make money. But not with a digital printing press, because that’s neither honest nor money. In fact, that kind of business will eventually get you killed by a starving mob.

2019/11/262019/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A uniform is a costume, and a $9/hour security guard might as well be wearing a Mickey Mouse outfit.

2019/09/302019/09/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In my Warehouse of Romance I specialize in selling only two precious items: Love and Leftover Meatloaf. Both are vintage 1980s, so get them while they’re still cold.

2019/09/262019/09/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A Woman Of The Future might try to insult me and say I make love like a robot, all mechanical and without feeling, but I’ll take offense to that, because my prices will be much more affordable.

2019/09/092019/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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These days, robots will do everything. They’ll do your job, they’ll take your paycheck, and they’ll even make love to you, for a price, which of course you can’t afford because a robot stole your income.

2019/09/092019/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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To save money (for me, not you), my Dancing Lessons In A Box are now cardboard-free. (Box sold separately.) Also, this juice only seems Extra Large because this man is Extra Small. But what do you care, it’s FREE when you sign up for my Dancing Lessons.

2019/08/262019/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

2019/08/242019/08/24 jarodkintz12 Comments

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I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

2019/03/182019/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.

2019/03/142019/03/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: price

If I were a Bankster dad, I’d tell my boy to go out into the world and make money. But not with a digital printing press, because that’s neither honest nor money. In fact, that kind of business will eventually get you killed by a starving mob.

Like this:

A uniform is a costume, and a $9/hour security guard might as well be wearing a Mickey Mouse outfit.

Like this:

In my Warehouse of Romance I specialize in selling only two precious items: Love and Leftover Meatloaf. Both are vintage 1980s, so get them while they’re still cold.

Like this:

A Woman Of The Future might try to insult me and say I make love like a robot, all mechanical and without feeling, but I’ll take offense to that, because my prices will be much more affordable.

Like this:

These days, robots will do everything. They’ll do your job, they’ll take your paycheck, and they’ll even make love to you, for a price, which of course you can’t afford because a robot stole your income.

Like this:

To save money (for me, not you), my Dancing Lessons In A Box are now cardboard-free. (Box sold separately.) Also, this juice only seems Extra Large because this man is Extra Small. But what do you care, it’s FREE when you sign up for my Dancing Lessons.

Like this:

When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

Like this:

I’m now selling my NEW face cream that you put on before you go to sleep at night, and when you wake up in the morning you have two additional faces on your skin that will be sure to get you noticed. $19.95 while avocados last. (Nachos sold separately.)

Like this:

I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.

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