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Tag: present

When I was a child, I wanted to be a cowboy. But now that I am grown, I want to be a cowman.

2020/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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From honeysuckle to mint to pine, nothing smells fresher than sweet nostalgia. Well, nothing except for The Future, which is synonymous with April in The Ozarks.

2020/03/032020/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Did you know The Future is pregnant with possibility? And while it’s quite likely I am the father, one thing is for sure: It ain’t your favorite politician’s.

2019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’d like to repair your elevator using only a kayak and a smile. Ask me about Tuesday Specials every Monday.

2019/04/092019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Art as a service is great until you’re forced into the dilemma of: Do you keep The Masterpiece that I sculpted out of wrapping paper, or do you destroy The Masterpiece to discover the original gift inside? Masterpiece versus Mystery. Who will win?

2019/03/052019/03/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am one man short of being a One-Man Cuddle Factory, but I guess that’s better than being one short man. But hey, at least there’s FREE meatloaf.

2018/12/242018/12/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
  • McDonald’s makes my grandma’s leftover meatloaf look fresh. She died in 1999.
  • If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?
  • If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
  • If a library has no books, it’s just an empty building, and people would know there had been a heist. But if you burn the library after you loot it, then it’s not a robbery, it’s a loss that won’t be looked for or pursued.
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