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Tag: politician

The best part about not electing a Conservative to fight for you, is even if you were to VOTE, you wouldn’t be electing anybody. These non-fighters are selected specifically for their ability to make people confuse talking and brawling, so VOTERS think they don’t have to rise up.

2021/08/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m such a good dancer that I make marble statues look fluid. The only thing I do with more enthusiasm is VOTE.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I can’t tell a politician to go fuck himself without a Conservative saying that’s offensive language that has no place in civilized society. Oh, so profanity is beyond the moral limit, but fraudulent war and unborn baby murder is cool?

2020/08/192020/08/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m shocked to learn I’ve been saying the word joke wrong. My whole life I thought it was pronounced joke, like choke with a j, but it turns out it’s actually spoken as MAGA.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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To be a good shopper, you must spend as little money as possible to get as much quantity and quality as possible, but to be a great shopper, you must spend other people’s money. Next time you’re in a store, think like a politician.

2019/04/082019/04/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was recently crowned Salesman of The Century. It’s a one-hundred-year honor that I was able to obtain for $44.44 at my local Trophy Store.

2018/07/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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America’s biggest export is war, which means we switched from making widgets to manufacturing death, so it’s not surprising that McDonald’s tastes like a coffin.

2018/07/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The thing I like most about politicians is the, um, the thing that, um, well, hmmm the, uh, the whatchacallit, the, um, um, well, I don’t know, but surely there must be a thing, just one thing to like about politicians.

2018/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you buy a politician, do you get FREE refills for life? What about if you rent the crook?

2017/12/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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