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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: pink

Of all the ways to say I love you, saying it in Cupcake is the most romantic. Just don’t try to say I love you with a mouthful of strawberry I love you.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Flamingos are pink giraffe ducks. That’s not just a fact—it’s also the promo code for your FREE tour of BearPaw Albino Horseneck Flamingo Farm.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who hasn’t been there before, am I right? And since you have been there, can you give me the address? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with a pink cat.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sometimes I stand outside in the summer breeze and close my eyes, imagining it’s your warm breath rushing over my skin, and in these moments I am clothed in Love, which never goes out of style.

2019/09/022019/09/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Come and enjoy Branson’s NEWEST attraction. If you can’t find the ride, and have no idea where to look, congratulations, you have already started The Helen Keller Experience!

2019/08/222019/08/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is timeless, like a broken watch. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for 50% OFF!

2019/02/052019/02/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There are 88 keys on a piano, but none will unlock my heart. Only you have that power. You are The Janitor of Desire. The pay is terrible, but that’s balanced out by the long hours.

2018/12/302018/12/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Because I chase beautiful sunsets, they end up following my like loyal, loving dogs, and every day a new one shows up to say a quick hi and bye.

2018/08/062018/08/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once saw two old men about to get into a fistfight on the street, and I had to physically get in between them to stop them, because the crowd had just gathered and nobody had been able to place any bets yet.

2018/03/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • Let me know the next time you go on a tropical vacation, so I can knit you a bikini. If you book now, I’ll even throw in a sloshing coffee table that comes with FREE refills.
  • They call it the Theater of War because it’s a play. The Zionists are playing you for fools, and they applaud when you kill their enemies—and they applaud when you die fighting for them. The next war will be their biggest ever blood-sacrifice ritual to Moloch.
  • Everybody knows I’m an adrenaline junky. That’s why nobody lets me watch mainstream news, because they know how it gets my heart rate amped. Fake narratives have a way of doing that to me.
  • It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.
  • Dunkin’ Donuts considers its rival to be Starbucks. That means when Dunkin’ comes to town, not only are local donut shops threatened, but so are our local coffee shops. Way to go, Chamber of Commerce! You have helped to siphon money away from TWO categories of local businesses!
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