Nietzsche: Philosopher, poet, and mustache connoisseur extraordinaire

Thus Spoke Zarathustra is a difficult book to read, particularly if you are asleep. But I wasn’t asleep, I was only pretending to be asleep! You know, to take advantage of those who claim to be awake.

Channeling his inner Christ, Socrates, and Orafoura, Nietzsche gave voice to a mute mystic named Zarathustra. Chronicling his spiritual development and preemptively establishing the modern notion of postmodern ennui and apathy that accompanies everyone being at once anonymous and also mentally famous, Nietzsche was generations ahead of the World Beard and Mustache Competition.

Me, me, today it’s all about me, so make me into a meme! Remember my name because you’ll be forgetting it later. Lose your religion, your mind, and finally your identity as you find yourself without a home, taking shelter under the glorious mustache of a 19th-century intellectual giant.

Live in a cave as a caveman might live, but remember: You are not a caveman, despite the assurances of your mother that your derelict father was a caveman. The truth is, you are so modern you are primitive. You alone stand above man because you are Overman!

You shine like a gold-star sticker, and I’ll distribute four of them to you for being so super. So in the spirit of Orafoura and handing out stars, I give this book five stars.

And remember, just because you’re Superman, doesn’t mean you don’t have to wear a condom. In the immortal words of Nietzsche, “Syphilis? Is that some ancient Greek philosopher I’ve never heard of?”


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I used to lift weights with Atlas

Bathed in cynicism and despair, the people in tough economic times such as these might rhetorically ask, “Who is John Galt?” Well, little do these people know how little they know. For they know not who John Galt is, but I do. John Galt is The Mythical Mr. Boo, who is also known as Atlas. And The Mythical Mr. Boo never shrugs, because The Mythical Mr. Boo was born without shoulders.

So while he won’t shoulder all the hardships, he can surely stomach the cramps of society (he is half cow on his mother’s side and possesses two stomachs). So, If our current economic situation is enough to make you want to throw up, just be glad that you don’t eat your own vomit, like The Mythical Mr. Boo does.

Anyway, “Atlas Shrugged” was intellectually delicious, and I’d recommend consuming it before I’d advise you to eat a whole pasture of grass. But I will say that if you can’t afford to eat beef, you might seriously consider eating grass. It’s like my grandpa always used to say, “If you can’t eat the cow, you might as well eat what the cow eats.”


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This book is as satisfying as a yawn, though much more energizing

When one is superficially bored, one can easily distract oneself by making paper airplanes, such as the one that graces the cover of this book. But only when one is profoundly bored can a work of art such as this book be born.

For nearly four hours my eyes were glued to the pages of Svendsen’s amazing book, and then finally, after many tears and shrilly screams, I managed to pull them off the paper without ripping the sensitive skin on my eyelids and actually read the book. And what a book it turned out to be!

It’s everything you ever wanted to know about boredom and more, even though there are no directions on how to make paper airplanes or origami mustaches, although images of Nietzsche’s glorious mustache kept coming to mind and making my upper lip itch as he was discussed in various parts of this book.

You’ll be astounded at how Svendsen explores the once dark and mysterious subject of boredom like a spelunker in a cave, and ultimately emerges in the end holding a few stalactites of truth that were formed by the seemingly endless and measured drips of water that make us aware that time is passing, and also how small and insignificant we are in comparison to this cave called life.

This book will change your outlook on boredom, life, and Kierkegaard’s inability to grow a mustache (Ok, so maybe not), and it will enlighten you in a way that is both entertaining and entertaining. Did I mention that this book is entertaining? Well it is, so if you are in the mood to think and be dazzled by a modern day philosophical giant, then I suggest you pick up a copy of this book.


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