As a farmer of waterfalls here in Harrison, Arkansas, I get to raise air-flowing bodies of aqua. Though this one is just a baby, with the right diet, it may grow up to be the next Niagara.

2021/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Covering motion stairs with fur does not make a Pet Escalator. Ask me how to convert your retirement nest egg into one giant omelet.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The perfect pet is half cat, half waterfall, because you could splash in snuggles, but also take it for a walk down a mountain. But why go through all that work, when you could just take The Ozarks Service Escalator?

2020/05/032020/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Cats make cuddly pets, but you can’t take them for walks. That’s why I love my pet waterfall, which also makes the splashiest snuggles. However, cats are the superior jazz musicians.

2020/01/242020/01/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I take jokes very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I never take jokes.

2019/11/042019/11/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

2019/03/272019/03/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Is your favorite Chinese restaurant serving your favorite pet under the guise of chicken? Find out which restaurants in your area are secretly offering Toyota parts on their menu, tonight at 6:00.

2019/03/102019/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

2019 seems to be the year that men becoming women produces yawns induced by boredom. When men start transitioning into cats, wake me up, because it’s not like I don’t already self-identify as one.

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you happen to have a pet that’s so exotic it’s extinct, I do have specialty leashes, and I offer walking services at affordable prices. I’ll even walk your pet peeve, though there’s an extra cost due to the intrinsically irritating nature of the experience.

2019/01/302019/01/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

2018/10/152018/10/15 jarodkintz11 Comment

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Tag: pets

As a farmer of waterfalls here in Harrison, Arkansas, I get to raise air-flowing bodies of aqua. Though this one is just a baby, with the right diet, it may grow up to be the next Niagara.

Like this:

Covering motion stairs with fur does not make a Pet Escalator. Ask me how to convert your retirement nest egg into one giant omelet.

Like this:

The perfect pet is half cat, half waterfall, because you could splash in snuggles, but also take it for a walk down a mountain. But why go through all that work, when you could just take The Ozarks Service Escalator?

Like this:

Cats make cuddly pets, but you can’t take them for walks. That’s why I love my pet waterfall, which also makes the splashiest snuggles. However, cats are the superior jazz musicians.

Like this:

I take jokes very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I never take jokes.

Like this:

Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

Like this:

Is your favorite Chinese restaurant serving your favorite pet under the guise of chicken? Find out which restaurants in your area are secretly offering Toyota parts on their menu, tonight at 6:00.

Like this:

2019 seems to be the year that men becoming women produces yawns induced by boredom. When men start transitioning into cats, wake me up, because it’s not like I don’t already self-identify as one.

Like this:

If you happen to have a pet that’s so exotic it’s extinct, I do have specialty leashes, and I offer walking services at affordable prices. I’ll even walk your pet peeve, though there’s an extra cost due to the intrinsically irritating nature of the experience.

Like this:

I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

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