If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.

2019/05/082019/05/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After Wendell’s daring performance, if he should somehow survive, and that is a big IF for such a reasonable ticket price, join us as Wendell leads us in The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James. Metal detector rentals ONLY $19.95.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know someone who died of a broken heart. At least that’s what I hope the autopsy report shows, because I don’t have an alibi for that person’s last moment on earth.

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My last cardiologist said my heart problems are due to the fact that I love too hard, but I disagreed and so I fired him. This has negatively impacted the performance of my Toyota Camry, because my last cardiologist was also my car mechanic.

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why are you so weird? Why can’t you just be perfectly normal like me?

2018/11/302018/11/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

2018/10/152018/10/15 jarodkintz11 Comment

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The key to keeping your pet waterfall happy is feeding it Kool-Aid, and if you don’t want to turn your pet waterfall all red, as if it’s in a continual state of blushing, I recommend using the transparent flavor of Kool-Aid called CNN.

2018/09/282018/09/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.

2018/08/302018/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sales is a lot like coaching. First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for the underperformers.

2017/12/182017/12/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I hear #HarveyWeinstein is on suicide watch. Where can I get tickets, because that’s one performance I’d definitely like to watch.

2017/10/202017/10/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: performance

If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.

Like this:

After Wendell’s daring performance, if he should somehow survive, and that is a big IF for such a reasonable ticket price, join us as Wendell leads us in The Search for The Lost Treasure of Jesse James. Metal detector rentals ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

I know someone who died of a broken heart. At least that’s what I hope the autopsy report shows, because I don’t have an alibi for that person’s last moment on earth.

Like this:

My last cardiologist said my heart problems are due to the fact that I love too hard, but I disagreed and so I fired him. This has negatively impacted the performance of my Toyota Camry, because my last cardiologist was also my car mechanic.

Like this:

Why are you so weird? Why can’t you just be perfectly normal like me?

Like this:

I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

Like this:

The key to keeping your pet waterfall happy is feeding it Kool-Aid, and if you don’t want to turn your pet waterfall all red, as if it’s in a continual state of blushing, I recommend using the transparent flavor of Kool-Aid called CNN.

Like this:

Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.

Like this:

Sales is a lot like coaching. First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for the underperformers.

Like this:

I hear #HarveyWeinstein is on suicide watch. Where can I get tickets, because that’s one performance I’d definitely like to watch.

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