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Tag: party

If McDonald’s paid $15 MILLION dollars an hour, I’d love to work there. But not for long, because are you crazy? Two hours of employment and then I’d ask my boss to throw me a retirement party.

2020/10/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My only note for Branson’s Anthems of Rock is what I tell potential buyers at my Tupperware Parties: You can never have too much Meatloaf. It makes such perfect Leftovers that a whole show could be done from the classic love ballad that’s beloved by fans of all hearing ranges.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who hasn’t been there before, am I right? And since you have been there, can you give me the address? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with a pink cat.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A town’s business cycle is a dance, and for the party and prosperity to increase in intensity, you can’t be playing music from 60 years ago.

2019/10/032019/10/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling Modern Dance Moves in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and I’ve Gotta Pee. The latter also describes the exotic motion.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Next time you have a funeral, you should hire a better DJ. Also, the cheese dip tasted a little funky, like a 1970s disco hit, and I like my queso smoother, like love songs from the 80s.

2019/02/162019/02/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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This #sponsored #ad is brought to you by #KindArtZooJar. It’s the only Fashion House made entirely of cards, and that’s why they have all the deals.

2019/02/122019/02/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The key to keeping your pet waterfall happy is feeding it Kool-Aid, and if you don’t want to turn your pet waterfall all red, as if it’s in a continual state of blushing, I recommend using the transparent flavor of Kool-Aid called CNN.

2018/09/282018/09/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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America’s biggest export is war, which means we switched from making widgets to manufacturing death, so it’s not surprising that McDonald’s tastes like a coffin.

2018/07/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
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