In honor of The World’s Largest Occult Ceremony, I’m offering an Olympics Special. Not only will you go way over budget, as I’ll be overcharging you, but since it’s not your money and nobody will be watching, nobody will care.
Tag: olympics
Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor.
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Consumers tell me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm has the longest wait times to reach a customer service representative.” I always reply, “The unsatisfactory products you have to purchase, but the lesson in patience you get for FREE.”
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War is when The Banksters pay two sides to fight, unbeknownst to each, so that The Banksters can make money off their death investment. The Banksters trade lead for gold, in an alchemic process made possible by murder, so perhaps reversing that scheme isn’t such a bad idea.
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Swimming lessons now available at 2020 Olympics ticket prices. Each practice is flavored like a kangaroo chase, and you get FREE refills.
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At BearPaw Duck Farm, our customer service representatives work 24/7 to make sure you are satisfied. If nobody answers your call within five rings, like The Olympics logo, call back in four years.
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Rocky 4 is #1, and while Rocky is Rocky 1, it’s still #2. Rocky 2 is somewhere in the middle, like the year 1212. It’s time to take that time out of the freezer and reheat it in a volcano, like you’d do with any other leftovers.
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People told me it couldn’t be done, but I didn’t listen, because I had already paid for a trophy to award myself. So when I couldn’t do it, I went and purchased a participation trophy, and then I threw myself a victory celebration.
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What better time to succeed than when you are failing and your life depends on you accomplishing your goal? That’s why the best time to call me for swimming lessons is when you are drowning, but don’t expect to make The Olympics or not die your first coaching session. No refunds.
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I just saw lightning, so I guess swim practice is canceled until you clear off the pool table and do the dishes. If you can sink the eight ball without getting it wet, you can have desert.
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