The best part about offering an inferior product FOR SALE, is the satisfaction I get from knowing I’m saving people money. That’s the kind of thing that builds lasting business relationships.

2019/01/092019/01/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

2019/01/072019/01/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There are 88 keys on a piano, but none will unlock my heart. Only you have that power. You are The Janitor of Desire. The pay is terrible, but that’s balanced out by the long hours.

2018/12/302018/12/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am one man short of being a One-Man Cuddle Factory, but I guess that’s better than being one short man. But hey, at least there’s FREE meatloaf.

2018/12/242018/12/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My meatloaf is cow sushi, in that it’s absolutely raw. It tastes terrible, but it’s made with 100% Pure Love, and that’s why I hope you’ll take home all the leftovers before they get too stinky.

2018/11/272018/11/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Honestly, I think you’re a weirdo. But that’s OK, I’d like to sell you my teeth cleaning services. Actually, what you’re paying for is one-way communication, me talking to you, but the teeth scrubbing, that’s FREE.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What I have to sell you is FREE, and it will only cost you time, because what I deal in is the absurd, and I have enough of it to fill up your whole lifetime.

2018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

2018/08/242018/08/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy29

When I go jogging at night, and it’s pitch black, my shadow always takes the opportunity to run off and go grab a beer, because he thinks his actions are camouflaged and invisible to me. But when he gets fat and no longer mirrors my body, he’ll bring shame to The Shadow Community.

2018/08/212018/08/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy22

Are waterfalls the most romantic things in the world? You’d think so, but I actually dated one, and the truth is they only care about looking good, and they only want you around to fawn over them and take their picture all the time.

2018/08/202018/08/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: nonsense

The best part about offering an inferior product FOR SALE, is the satisfaction I get from knowing I’m saving people money. That’s the kind of thing that builds lasting business relationships.

Like this:

After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

Like this:

There are 88 keys on a piano, but none will unlock my heart. Only you have that power. You are The Janitor of Desire. The pay is terrible, but that’s balanced out by the long hours.

Like this:

I am one man short of being a One-Man Cuddle Factory, but I guess that’s better than being one short man. But hey, at least there’s FREE meatloaf.

Like this:

My meatloaf is cow sushi, in that it’s absolutely raw. It tastes terrible, but it’s made with 100% Pure Love, and that’s why I hope you’ll take home all the leftovers before they get too stinky.

Like this:

Honestly, I think you’re a weirdo. But that’s OK, I’d like to sell you my teeth cleaning services. Actually, what you’re paying for is one-way communication, me talking to you, but the teeth scrubbing, that’s FREE.

Like this:

What I have to sell you is FREE, and it will only cost you time, because what I deal in is the absurd, and I have enough of it to fill up your whole lifetime.

Like this:

You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

Like this:

When I go jogging at night, and it’s pitch black, my shadow always takes the opportunity to run off and go grab a beer, because he thinks his actions are camouflaged and invisible to me. But when he gets fat and no longer mirrors my body, he’ll bring shame to The Shadow Community.

Like this:

Are waterfalls the most romantic things in the world? You’d think so, but I actually dated one, and the truth is they only care about looking good, and they only want you around to fawn over them and take their picture all the time.

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