It should be noted that Pepsi did NOT pay me for this #SponsoredAd, despite my calling their accounting department repeatedly about my fee of 49 cents. Heinz also refused to give me money.

2020/01/312020/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Globalists own and control the voting machines, but we must use their devices to defeat them. Out of all 327.2 million Americans, your vote is the only one that matters, and if YOU don’t do your part, then together we all lose. Your vote counts! Your vote matters!

2019/12/282019/12/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Where did the first half of my joke go? I don’t even remember how it goes, so I have no idea where it could have gone. Maybe it’s wandering around THE Ohio State University chasing the ehoes of laughter from the recent Charlie Kirk heckling.

2019/11/032019/11/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Neiman Marcus will be out of business by next year, unlike me, who was never IN business to begin with, so I can make entrepreneurial missteps and then repackage them as Dancing Lessons.

2019/09/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

2019/08/242019/08/24 jarodkintz12 Comments

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If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

2019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was speaking to someone the other day, and it was good to finally hear both supreme wit and profound discernment. I need to talk to myself more often.

2019/04/092019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also have a Kyle-shaped mannequin for sale, but I named it Squiblob, after its mother. We fell in love before I realized she was just using me for sex.

2019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Is there such a thing as too much yum? I’m trying to find out, because I just invented leftover-meatloaf-flavored bubblegum! You know, for lovers.

2019/03/112019/03/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you have always wanted to be a fisherman of cash, but just haven’t had the right net to catch it all with, then NOW is your chance to use what the pros use. My net is 100% nylon and Made In America, Argentina.

2019/02/272019/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: nonsense

It should be noted that Pepsi did NOT pay me for this #SponsoredAd, despite my calling their accounting department repeatedly about my fee of 49 cents. Heinz also refused to give me money.

Like this:

The Globalists own and control the voting machines, but we must use their devices to defeat them. Out of all 327.2 million Americans, your vote is the only one that matters, and if YOU don’t do your part, then together we all lose. Your vote counts! Your vote matters!

Like this:

Where did the first half of my joke go? I don’t even remember how it goes, so I have no idea where it could have gone. Maybe it’s wandering around THE Ohio State University chasing the ehoes of laughter from the recent Charlie Kirk heckling.

Like this:

Neiman Marcus will be out of business by next year, unlike me, who was never IN business to begin with, so I can make entrepreneurial missteps and then repackage them as Dancing Lessons.

Like this:

When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

Like this:

If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

Like this:

I was speaking to someone the other day, and it was good to finally hear both supreme wit and profound discernment. I need to talk to myself more often.

Like this:

I also have a Kyle-shaped mannequin for sale, but I named it Squiblob, after its mother. We fell in love before I realized she was just using me for sex.

Like this:

Is there such a thing as too much yum? I’m trying to find out, because I just invented leftover-meatloaf-flavored bubblegum! You know, for lovers.

Like this:

If you have always wanted to be a fisherman of cash, but just haven’t had the right net to catch it all with, then NOW is your chance to use what the pros use. My net is 100% nylon and Made In America, Argentina.

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