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Tag: nonsense

When math and English have sex, the baby is Algebra. I’m just glad I’m not the father, but to be honest, I was a little concerned.

2021/01/062021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People don’t realize the power they have in their VOTE. When you VOTE, The Government has to listen, and we know that because America’s never been greater than it is now. Do I let all that power go to my head? NO! I’m just a humble superhero doing my part to save the world.

2020/10/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Being the fastest man to run while remaining seated comes with perks. Right now, I have three sponsorship options. Nike, of course, La-Z-Boy, naturally, and the third group that wants to pay me is The National Association of Handicapped Parking Space Painters.

2020/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Music comes in through your ears, invisibly. But it’s tough to sell the invisible, so I devised a way to alchemize music from the purely audible into something you can taste. And for ONLY $19.95 I’m selling the whole dining experience. Visit my kiosk at The Branson Landing.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make serious memes for serious people. I also make other things, including money, and everything is FOR SALE. Everything MUST GO.

2020/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As Americans, we can VOTE our way to FREEDOM. After all, that’s how our Founding Fathers gained Independence from England in 1776.

2020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Buy One Wheel, Get One FREE. You get TWO unicycles for the price of ONE bicycle. And if you act NOW, I’ll even include Frozen Duck Soup On A Stick for FREE.

2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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FREE networking tip #13: Instead of offering your hand when meeting someone, extend a rubber duck that squeaks. It’s just a small gesture that says, “I’m here, you’re here, and I really care.”

2020/05/232020/05/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As an amateur Air Machine Architect, I design contraptions meant to take man from Point A to Point Z without touching points B through Y. My first Air Machine was modeled off the aerodynamic bodies of ducks, which is why it required water to operate and left poop everywhere.

2020/05/232020/05/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
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