A woman just asked me if I’m good in bed, and I replied, “No, I’m a terrible sleeper. In fact, I’m so inefficient that it takes me twelve hours to do what the average person can do in eight.”

2019/10/082019/10/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m writing a history book. It’s about yesterday. It goes ON SALE tomorrow for $19.95, and it includes FREE Leftover Meatloaf from antiquity. Sources tell me it tastes like The French Revolution.

2019/08/282019/08/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We had a love that could light the night sky with pastels like we were the sunrise, but we don’t have that anymore. I’m the only one who has our love now, but I keep it safe in my heart just in case you ever come back for it.

2018/12/252018/12/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Even now, I am asleep while we speak. Well, we’re not speaking; I’m writing, and you’re just happy to be a part of my dreams. I’ll let it slide tonight, but tomorrow night, you’re not invited unless you bring chocolate. (Do you also use semicolons in your dreams?)

2018/05/152018/05/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am The Cat Whisperer. Librarians love me, as cats and whispering are their two favorite things. Right now I’m renting both for the price of one.

2018/04/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sell your hope and buy prudence. I won’t buy the former from you, but I do have some of the latter for you to buy, and if you act within the next fifteen minutes I’ll even throw in some FREE cynicism.

2018/03/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I often wear shirts that are sunset-colored, because I LOVE it when tourists take pictures of me, mistaking me for the sky. In a way it’s kind of romantic.

2018/03/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A tree sticking up into the sky just before dark makes a Sunset Lollipop. And if you buy before tomorrow night, I’m selling them at Buy One Get One prices! (Limit one per customer per day. Also, my limit is one per day, as that’s all I keep in stock.)

2018/03/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Romance is everywhere you look. So, what are you waiting for? Take off your blindfold!

2017/10/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: night

A woman just asked me if I’m good in bed, and I replied, “No, I’m a terrible sleeper. In fact, I’m so inefficient that it takes me twelve hours to do what the average person can do in eight.”

Like this:

I’m writing a history book. It’s about yesterday. It goes ON SALE tomorrow for $19.95, and it includes FREE Leftover Meatloaf from antiquity. Sources tell me it tastes like The French Revolution.

Like this:

We had a love that could light the night sky with pastels like we were the sunrise, but we don’t have that anymore. I’m the only one who has our love now, but I keep it safe in my heart just in case you ever come back for it.

Like this:

Even now, I am asleep while we speak. Well, we’re not speaking; I’m writing, and you’re just happy to be a part of my dreams. I’ll let it slide tonight, but tomorrow night, you’re not invited unless you bring chocolate. (Do you also use semicolons in your dreams?)

Like this:

I am The Cat Whisperer. Librarians love me, as cats and whispering are their two favorite things. Right now I’m renting both for the price of one.

Like this:

Sell your hope and buy prudence. I won’t buy the former from you, but I do have some of the latter for you to buy, and if you act within the next fifteen minutes I’ll even throw in some FREE cynicism.

Like this:

I often wear shirts that are sunset-colored, because I LOVE it when tourists take pictures of me, mistaking me for the sky. In a way it’s kind of romantic.

Like this:

A tree sticking up into the sky just before dark makes a Sunset Lollipop. And if you buy before tomorrow night, I’m selling them at Buy One Get One prices! (Limit one per customer per day. Also, my limit is one per day, as that’s all I keep in stock.)

Like this:

Romance is everywhere you look. So, what are you waiting for? Take off your blindfold!

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