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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: niche memes

If you buy enough fries from me, you can become your own bicycle ramp, and then you can actively become part of another person’s dream. Ask me about Bulk Discounts.

2019/01/082019/01/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

2019/01/072019/01/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Dancing Lessons In A Box are completely SOLD OUT. I’m waiting for more cardboard to come in, so you should Pre-Order yours today.

2019/01/062019/01/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m all about saving you money. But I can’t save you money until you spend money, so find out now by buying. What are you waiting for? You can’t shop when you’re dead, even if you can vote for Hillary Clinton.

2019/01/062019/01/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m no Nostradamus, but my prediction for the year 2019 is that it will have 365 days in it. Hopefully every one of them will be a blessing for you, except that cursed Day Number 333.

2019/01/012019/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to want to be an astronaut, but I gave up hanging around in a pool when I quit competitive swimming. These NASA scuba divers have never trained in the water like I have, and with or without a suit, I’d still beat them in a race.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In a physical war, every soldier knows when he is under attack, but this Spiritual War is much more devastating, destructive, and decimating, because few Christians even realize they are marked and targeted for abuse.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What I have to sell you is FREE, and it will only cost you time, because what I deal in is the absurd, and I have enough of it to fill up your whole lifetime.

2018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It’s good to be king. I mean, I guess it is. I still have to pay taxes, so who’s the real ruler? I inherited my throne from my father, who died years before I was born, which is why his chair is so small.

2018/11/152018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Am I a cynic? No, I’m a realist, and only a simpleton confuses the two.

2018/11/152018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Everyone is getting crazier. And poorer. Which is making everyone even crazier.
  • I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
  • A hundred dollars used to have value. Now it has grown fat and worthless. Or has it grown so skinny as to be useless?
  • If I were the world’s richest man, I’d present myself as the world’s poorest, because I’d want people to want me for me. In fact, I’m so poor I want to be Guinness verified as The World’s Poorest—and I’m even willing to pay for the title (a bribe).
  • Do you enjoy being out in nature? By 2030, when you’re living in your 20 by 30 cement stacked box in the city, you’ll probably be able to rent walks in the park for ONLY $19.95 per month.
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