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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: niche meme

You don’t have to be a gumshoe, or have gum on your shoe, to appreciate my Israel did 9/11-flavored gum, but once you experience this INCREDIBLE taste, you’ll want to start investigating The Truth.

2019/07/302019/07/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you buy enough fries from me, you can become your own bicycle ramp, and then you can actively become part of another person’s dream. Ask me about Bulk Discounts.

2019/01/082019/01/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.

2019/01/072019/01/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Dancing Lessons In A Box are completely SOLD OUT. I’m waiting for more cardboard to come in, so you should Pre-Order yours today.

2019/01/062019/01/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m all about saving you money. But I can’t save you money until you spend money, so find out now by buying. What are you waiting for? You can’t shop when you’re dead, even if you can vote for Hillary Clinton.

2019/01/062019/01/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m no Nostradamus, but my prediction for the year 2019 is that it will have 365 days in it. Hopefully every one of them will be a blessing for you, except that cursed Day Number 333.

2019/01/012019/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to want to be an astronaut, but I gave up hanging around in a pool when I quit competitive swimming. These NASA scuba divers have never trained in the water like I have, and with or without a suit, I’d still beat them in a race.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In a physical war, every soldier knows when he is under attack, but this Spiritual War is much more devastating, destructive, and decimating, because few Christians even realize they are marked and targeted for abuse.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What I have to sell you is FREE, and it will only cost you time, because what I deal in is the absurd, and I have enough of it to fill up your whole lifetime.

2018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It’s good to be king. I mean, I guess it is. I still have to pay taxes, so who’s the real ruler? I inherited my throne from my father, who died years before I was born, which is why his chair is so small.

2018/11/152018/11/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Wasn’t it William Congreve, who in 1697 said, “Hell hath no fury like 1992 scorned”? He was a prolific and prophetic poet, and most of his later work still survives above urinals all over Branson, Missouri.
  • I once had a dream about what Branson, Missouri dreams about, and I don’t know which was freakier, the town itself or the year 1991.
  • I have never made a cashier cry, but I have gotten into a shouting match with one, because he counted up 11 items to ring up, and he was in the 10 items or less line, but one product I was buying was Buy One, Get One FREE, so I argued Item 11 should be thought of as invisible.
  • Just hang up the landline phone, Branson. 1991 died in 1992, though it took a few years for most people to realize it was never coming back.
  • I Voted stickers are passed out as if to symbolize the true argument, which is, “My dog shit is better than your dog shit!” That’s step one to have shit on your shoes every four years.
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