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Tag: mystery

Nothing like a little controversy and conspiracy to drum up interest in a business. Speaking of drums, I’m starting a band, and Branson, Missouri—The Musician will be playing keytar.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who would you rather buy your Duck Soup from, me or some other guy? OK fine, but what if that other guy is SOLD OUT? Then what? What do you mean you’ll just go to Popeyes for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich?!

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If Subway’s chicken is only 50% chicken, so what? I’m 50% chicken, too. (The other half of me is pure coward.)

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It could also be argued there is no romance if there is no me, and of course it could be argued by me. You wouldn’t argue it, because you’d naturally agree.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I could live anywhere, I’d live here, in this moment, with you.

2019/09/022019/09/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The easiest way to get three people to agree on one thing is if those three people are all one person. That’s my kind of teamwork.

2019/08/142019/08/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I snuck a peak at the opening line of Jeremy’s Romance Novel, and it reads thus: “Our hero’s name is Jarod, and women want to be with him, men want to be him, and genderfluids want him to drink them.”

2019/03/172019/03/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.

2019/03/142019/03/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Art as a service is great until you’re forced into the dilemma of: Do you keep The Masterpiece that I sculpted out of wrapping paper, or do you destroy The Masterpiece to discover the original gift inside? Masterpiece versus Mystery. Who will win?

2019/03/052019/03/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When buying something that’s ON SALE, always remember what my grandpappy used to say, “It doesn’t matter how cheap a thing is, if you don’t need it, make like Leftover Meatloaf in tinfoil and go to the moon!”

2019/02/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
  • It’s like my good friend Elon Musk said, “If you don’t shop at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, you’ll wish you were born as a hologram, because I’m going to Mars to be with other beings of light, so go buy a Tesla and starve.”
  • BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm now offers FREE refills on T-shirts. Buy one shirt, and fill it as many times as you’d like.
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