The best wave machine is a hurricane, and one time in high school I skipped classes to go surfing in one. As I was tumbling on the ocean floor while my lungs were screeching like a scratchy Beastie Boys song, I thought, “Hey, maybe math class wouldn’t be so bad right now.”

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There is music in fragrance, and if you listen closely, it smells like nostalgia. Let it resonate deep within your soul.

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I play the trumpet like my cheeks are on fire, which is why I don’t play the trumpet. And I would make flame-scented soap, but I think shower water would extinguish its essence.

2020/01/242020/01/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Cats make cuddly pets, but you can’t take them for walks. That’s why I love my pet waterfall, which also makes the splashiest snuggles. However, cats are the superior jazz musicians.

2020/01/242020/01/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A bar of soap on a stick is a lollipop of sorts—if your kid has a filthy mouth. If your son ever says something like, “Taxes are the price we pay to live in a civilized society,” you should wash his mouth out immediately.

2020/01/242020/01/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m learning to play the trumpet one string at a time. I wish this whole experience was microwavable, because it’s frozen and taking forever in the oven.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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This happened to me once. It might have happened twice, but after we ate our shoes we were all still hungry, so I was forced to devour my co-explorers, who would not stop complaining during dinner.

2019/12/112019/12/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Movies changed the way people read, because why take 90 days to take in a story, a minute at a time before falling asleep in bed, when you can watch the movie adaptation of the book in 90 minutes? Well now with memes, you don’t even have to waste an hour and a half on a film.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who you’d rather watch perform in Branson, the 1950s cover band at the theater, or the homeless guy with the guitar on the street corner, but either way I’ve got ear plugs in your size FOR SALE.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: music

The best wave machine is a hurricane, and one time in high school I skipped classes to go surfing in one. As I was tumbling on the ocean floor while my lungs were screeching like a scratchy Beastie Boys song, I thought, “Hey, maybe math class wouldn’t be so bad right now.”

Like this:

There is music in fragrance, and if you listen closely, it smells like nostalgia. Let it resonate deep within your soul.

Like this:

I play the trumpet like my cheeks are on fire, which is why I don’t play the trumpet. And I would make flame-scented soap, but I think shower water would extinguish its essence.

Like this:

Cats make cuddly pets, but you can’t take them for walks. That’s why I love my pet waterfall, which also makes the splashiest snuggles. However, cats are the superior jazz musicians.

Like this:

A bar of soap on a stick is a lollipop of sorts—if your kid has a filthy mouth. If your son ever says something like, “Taxes are the price we pay to live in a civilized society,” you should wash his mouth out immediately.

Like this:

The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.

Like this:

I’m learning to play the trumpet one string at a time. I wish this whole experience was microwavable, because it’s frozen and taking forever in the oven.

Like this:

This happened to me once. It might have happened twice, but after we ate our shoes we were all still hungry, so I was forced to devour my co-explorers, who would not stop complaining during dinner.

Like this:

Movies changed the way people read, because why take 90 days to take in a story, a minute at a time before falling asleep in bed, when you can watch the movie adaptation of the book in 90 minutes? Well now with memes, you don’t even have to waste an hour and a half on a film.

Like this:

I don’t know who you’d rather watch perform in Branson, the 1950s cover band at the theater, or the homeless guy with the guitar on the street corner, but either way I’ve got ear plugs in your size FOR SALE.

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