I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
Tag: music
The wars are all fraudulent, but I always thank every soldier for their service, because the military cross promotes with The NFL, and God made beer just for Americans, so if you don’t VOTE you are a Communist and a Nazi and you probably don’t let your wife make love to strange men while you watch.
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I used to sell chairs, until one day a customer told me that they weren’t dancing equipment. Turns out dancing doesn’t involve sitting in silence alone, and I’d been doing it wrong for years.
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VOTERS think their rights come from The Constitution, but I know that my FREEDOM comes from God. VOTERS worship a piece of paper that’s already been shredded and burned.
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The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.
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This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
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Why aren’t my shows SOLD OUT? What octogenarian wouldn’t want to hear the songs of his youth?
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“It’s not a proper duck farm if customers can’t ride a roaring bear—a bear that also happens to play the trumpet.” That’s a quote uttered and muttered by my grandpa, and he was mute, so you know it must be true.
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I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.
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It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.
jarodkintz.com 