The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.
Tag: music
As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”
Share this:
Share this:
Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.
Share this:
Share this:
When the music slaps, I dance like Jell-O. But not the green kind. No, I move like the sexy red. If you’ve never been sexually attracted to gelatin, wait until you see me jiggle.
Share this:
Share this:
My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.
Share this:
Share this:
There is a party tomorrow night. You should go. Oh, by the way, you’re not invited. Neither am I. That’s why you should tell me how it is, detailing the whole evening and event in a notebook that I’ll later read and relive while I sip coffee in bed.
Share this:
Share this:
You are what you drink, even if the largest volume of fluid is music streaming in through your ears. Playing a song on repeat is like enjoying FREE refills on coffee.
Share this:
Share this:
To help my ducks improve their swimming ability, I remixed Mozart with whale sounds, and I pulse the music through their SplashTub. If you’d like to see and hear the performance, tickets are ten bucks a person, or five bucks per half-person.
Share this:
Share this:
My favorite song is With Or Without You. That’s also how I dance.
Share this:
Share this:
Neighbor’s Mill also makes cake that’s music to my mouth, in the same way that Cake makes music that’s pastry to my ears. Taste the sound for yourself!
