Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I gave birth to myself, like some kind of hermaphroditic worm, would I be entitled to FREE food? This is an important issue that NO Presidential candidate has EVER mentioned.

2020/03/132020/03/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

2020/03/122020/03/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Some people put more thought into what kind of car to buy than what kind of mate to marry. I think that’s foolish, because I’m a bicycle salesman. Well, I actually only have one bicycle to sell, and I stole it, which is what makes it so profitable.

2020/03/102020/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I admire your dancing moves, and I’d love to bottle them up and sell them as windshield wiper fluid. I only wish they came in Rain Water Flavor.

2020/03/032020/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. (Powdered love poetry and water sold separately.)

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If April in The Ozarks smells like 100% Pure Romance, it’s because we use the freshest organic love poetry. The earnest words of yearning are all locally grown right here in my heart.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If Uncle Sam didn’t exist, I wouldn’t even have one friend. Of course, I pay Uncle Sam out of my paycheck, so it kind of feels like I’m buying his love.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If my goal is to get noticed by my Love Interest, will making weird memes get me affection? No, just look at Mike Bloomberg. No, look down. Way down. There he is, all the way down at 5’4″.

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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While you’re waiting on the love of your life, why don’t you go to the bathroom and wash your hands 4,321 times? It’s stocked with enough April in The Ozarks to get you through this winter of your soul.

2020/01/312020/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: love

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

Like this:

If I gave birth to myself, like some kind of hermaphroditic worm, would I be entitled to FREE food? This is an important issue that NO Presidential candidate has EVER mentioned.

Like this:

Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

Like this:

Some people put more thought into what kind of car to buy than what kind of mate to marry. I think that’s foolish, because I’m a bicycle salesman. Well, I actually only have one bicycle to sell, and I stole it, which is what makes it so profitable.

Like this:

I admire your dancing moves, and I’d love to bottle them up and sell them as windshield wiper fluid. I only wish they came in Rain Water Flavor.

Like this:

I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. (Powdered love poetry and water sold separately.)

Like this:

If April in The Ozarks smells like 100% Pure Romance, it’s because we use the freshest organic love poetry. The earnest words of yearning are all locally grown right here in my heart.

Like this:

If Uncle Sam didn’t exist, I wouldn’t even have one friend. Of course, I pay Uncle Sam out of my paycheck, so it kind of feels like I’m buying his love.

Like this:

If my goal is to get noticed by my Love Interest, will making weird memes get me affection? No, just look at Mike Bloomberg. No, look down. Way down. There he is, all the way down at 5’4″.

Like this:

While you’re waiting on the love of your life, why don’t you go to the bathroom and wash your hands 4,321 times? It’s stocked with enough April in The Ozarks to get you through this winter of your soul.

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