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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: love

One Hundred Trillion Zimbabwe Dollars is both a lot of money and not a lot or money. It’s a huge sum that’s worth nothing. That means you’re practically getting my love for FREE.

2021/09/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I have a pet bicycle, and when I take it for a walk people look at me like I’m crazy. What, have you never seen an “I Voted!” T-shirt before?

2021/07/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am The Helen Keller of Love. I can’t see or hear it coming, and I know whether love is blind or if it’s just deaf in the eyes, because I write romance poetry in Braille.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Little children are geniuses at contorting their faces. Perhaps Jim Carrey could have been even more expressive if instead of practicing in a mirror, he’d just watched kids use body language to say what their limited vocabulary prohibits them from saying.

2021/05/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What has wings, but cannot fly, and legs, but cannot walk? A Pekin duck!

2021/05/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Every BearPaw Duck Farm marketing email I write is an interactive Romance Novel where the reader is the protagonist. The plot is simple: You fall in love and you BUY.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know I advertised nude content from Michael J. 666 to get you to sign up for my OnlyFans account, but would you be disappointed enough to ask for a refund if all my videos are of me reading Victorian Love Poetry while sitting by a fire with my cat on my lap?

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you ever been in love with someone who just wasn’t there for you? My last girlfriend was invisible and inaudible, and the emotional torment made me feel like Helen Keller. I sell the whole experience, but hurry, parking is limited.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m no dating expert, but if you meet a woman with one eye and a pyramid for a head, it’s best not to sleep with her, because you might be asleep for forever, like VOTERS. Swipe right for change!

2020/10/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Life is made of time, people, and places. Why not spend your time with the best people in the best places?

2020/10/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • Everyone is getting crazier. And poorer. Which is making everyone even crazier.
  • I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
  • A hundred dollars used to have value. Now it has grown fat and worthless. Or has it grown so skinny as to be useless?
  • If I were the world’s richest man, I’d present myself as the world’s poorest, because I’d want people to want me for me. In fact, I’m so poor I want to be Guinness verified as The World’s Poorest—and I’m even willing to pay for the title (a bribe).
  • Do you enjoy being out in nature? By 2030, when you’re living in your 20 by 30 cement stacked box in the city, you’ll probably be able to rent walks in the park for ONLY $19.95 per month.
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